xp log: oshitari, shinji and kippei

[shattermelt]

It felt good to be somewhat more in control of himself than he was, Oshitari thought as he meandered down the hallway from his room. He still had his moments, times where he wasn't sure if everything around him was reality or not, or if he was still strapped and drugged in that damned lab room, but they were more spaced out now, less severe then they had been. And he wasn't attacking the entire household with his power anymore either. Well, hardly ever.

It was...strange...to say the least, being able to feel his own psionic energy in his mind, when he wasn't using his power. He needed to sit down and figure out exactly how it all worked now, and why, but with everything that had been going on, he simply hadn't thought about it much at all. Now that they had Saeki back, and recovering, and the rest of the house was relatively normal, he supposed he could work on it.

Or he could start his plans to obliterate the rest of the laboratories on his list...perhaps pay the Humanity Now group a visit for their treatment of Koujirou. The thoughts had him stopping outside of Shinji and Tachibana's door. He had seen neither hide nor hair of them since Shinji had gone tearing from his room over the spider incident; which he had no recollection of, but Akira assured him the other blue haired mutant had 'freaked out'. A bit impulsively, he tried the knob, found it locked for once (amusing) and rapped sharply on the door three times.

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[daredtygrz.livejournal.com]

Oshitari unfolded from the bed, slipping his glasses back onto his face as he did. Part of him wanted to sneer at the way Tachibana was ordering him around, but he was sick of being in the man's presence anyways.

Fixing Tachibana with a cold glare, he left the room, making it a point to precede the other mutant...and not touch him.

The moment he was out of the couple's room, however, every thought Shinji had supressed at that point came rushing back and he stumbled. The paranoia came back, full force, and he whirled on the footsteps and sound of the closing door behind him, hand groping for the gun that wasn't tucked into his waistband.

He didn't untense when he saw it was Tachibana, but he remained as he was, watching him and edging backwards a bit.

[flamesword.livejournal.com]

Kippei eyed him as he closed the door gently behind him, wondering again what the hell had happened to him. He really did look like hell. Kippei momentarily felt bad for making him leave, since obviously Shinji had been making him feel better.

"You okay?" he asked cautiously. Then he shook his head, impatiently. Obviously not, and it wasn't like Oshitari would trust concern coming from him anyway. "What happened to you?" he demanded, worried in spite of himself. He paused, but he wasn't all that sure he'd get an answer anyway. Never mind.

"I owe you," he said abruptly, jerking his head back toward the door. "For that."

[daredtygrz.livejournal.com]

Trying to maintain composure, even when everything in his body was telling him to leave, to find his way back to his room where the bastard humans couldn't find him, where he could look at his two lovers and be reassured that they were all right, Oshitari frowned and backed up another half step.

"Oh. Is that all?" he asked, taking a subtle, deep breath. It helped a little, so he did it again, struggling to find that calm he'd had in Shinji's presence. Would that he could forget about Kiriyama and the lab, but to forget would be to put his guard down, to forget why the humans needed to be stopped. It was the jumble of mixed emotions from their altercation in the bedroom setting him off now, and he took a third breath. After the sixth breath, he began to look normal again, tucking his hands into his front pockets and profoundly thankful he hadn't brought his gun. No doubt he might have actually shot at Tachibana. Shinji would hardly thank him for giving his lover a twin gunshot wound.

"As for what happened to me...it is nothing you want to know", he managed quietly, sincere rather than spiteful just this once.

[flamesword.livejournal.com]

Kippei shook his head impatiently. "Of course I want to know. You are important to Shinji." It was that simple, to him. His personal feelings about Oshitari mattered little, in fact he was willing to delete them from the equation entirely. Things that were important to Shinji were important to him, by default.

"I..." He took a deep breath of his own, setting his jaw. "I said thank you, but you don't understand. The headaches... there's nothing I can do about them," he admitted quietly, just as if it didn't kill him to say it. "To see him not in pain, for you to give him that for a little while... you have no idea. I.. If there's something I can do, some way I can... help, with anything, I will. I want to. I owe you." He paused briefly. "And Shinji is worried about you. You're not alright. I want to... do something. If I can."

[daredtygrz.livejournal.com]

"Heh."

Oshitari gave a short, bitter laugh. So Tachibana wanted to be noble? Well, there were stranger things in the world.

"I will keep that in mind. But there is no need to tell you anything. Whatever I tell you will make it back to Shinji-kun, will it now? Would you have him even more terrified than he was of the spiders? Be grateful that neither of us will ever let it happen to him, Tachibana."

[flamesword.livejournal.com]

Kippei frowned, considering this, and nodded slowly. Fair enough. He could guess well enough and he didn't need details and Oshitari was right, Kippei didn't really want Shinji to have them either. He watched the other man turn to leave and let him go, recognizing with a bit of distant surprise the look of a man who is not only wanting to get away from something, but wanting to get to something. Something to go home to. Saeki, apparently, and didn't that just beat all.

He was still frowning thoughtfully as he reentered the room and stared down at Shinji, trying to decide what to ask.

[teagoblin.livejournal.com]

Kii looked up and blinked and Shinji realied Yuushi was gone, which was kind of sucky because he hadn't gotten to say goodbye but he would go see him tomorrow to make up for it. For now, he had Kippei all to himself.

"How about you dont ask anything and you come climb in bed with me and we kiss and make up?"

[flamesword.livejournal.com]

Kippei studied him, debating about that, because while it sounded good, he did want to ask a few questions. But he did climb onto the bed and settle himself around Shinji again, feeling better once he did so.

"Oshitari and Saeki, hm?" he murmured, nuzzling Shinji's hair. Settling for the least involved and least important question, mere idle curiosity. How had he missed that? Not that he'd been paying attention. "And Kamio?" Interesting.

[teagoblin.livejournal.com]

"Mmm...you're slow." Shinji murmered the words, curling up against Kippei, happy just to have him back in the bed with him, all warm and cuddly and perfect and if was insane, that Kippei thought Shinji didn't think he was good for him. Why the hell would he think that? Stupid, stupid, stupid.

"You...no one ever wanted me before. You never believe me but they didn't..." And god, memories...hurt. He waited for the pounding in his head to soften. "That's all I want. I just want you to want me...and you do."

[flamesword.livejournal.com]

It wasn't so much that Kippei didn't believe it as he just couldn't imagine it. It was utterly beyond him how anyone could not want Shinji. If they were already taken or into someone else, maybe, but... how could any ordinary person not see how incredible Shinji was? It was incomprehensible to him, but then, he kind of liked the idea that Shinji was only perfect for one person in the world, and that was him.

"I do want you," he said firmly, "I want you forever. I just wish sometimes that..." He shrugged, a bit embarrassed. "I want to be Superman or something, be more and better and stronger for you, and smarter and... Oshitari makes me feel stupid," he admitted, shaking his head. He just didn't get the man at all. He and Shinji connected on some wavelength that was just out of Kippei's reach, and he felt like he'd failed in some way because of it.

[teagoblin.livejournal.com]

Stupid? Shinji blinked, feeling that way himself.

"You're not superman? Aw...but that was why I was with you!" He rolled his eyes and kissed Kippei, trying to show just what he thought of him. The thing was, Shinji rather thought Kippei was Superman. When Shinji thought of the perfect mutant, he thought of Kippei, and the perfect mutant was the perfect person for Shinji. Yuushi was...oddly perfect, not perfect. It was that simple, to Shinji.

"You're not stupid. You're not even interested in that sort of stuff, so get over it. I like talking to Yuushi, but no more than I like talking to you. And I do not want to have sex with Yuushi...but I definately want to have sex with you."

[flamesword.livejournal.com]

Kippei smiled wryly, and he really didn't get it, still, but when Shinji was kissing him like that it made everything okay.

"Well, that's alright then," he said finally, stroking Shinji's hair. "I just don't want you to be disappointed when... I don't get things." He sighed, not knowing how to explain. "I'm not interested, yeah, but... I want to understand, I guess, why it interests you." He wanted to understand everything about Shinji, because Shinji was the most fascinating thing he'd ever seen.

[teagoblin.livejournal.com]

God, mule headed stubborn bastard! Shinji tangled his arms tight around Kippei's neck nuzzling against his throat and chuckling a little because it was so ridiculous that Tachibana Kippei was having doubts about anything, let alone him.

I'm never disappointed in you. You can't disappoint me.

"Stop doubting yourself...you're Tachibana Kippei and I love you."

[flamesword.livejournal.com]

Kippei shrugged and gave up, grinning a bit because it was nice, to hear that, and he could tell that Shinji meant it. He'd never doubted himself before, because he'd never cared what anyone else thought. Now that there was one person whose opinion meant the world to him, it was an odd shift of balance, of still being confident in himself and content with who he was, but not wanting to be thoughtless and arrogant about assuming that Shinji thought the same.

It wasn't like he never made mistakes, or did stupid things, or... well, he'd just never had to think before, about whether or not he was living up to someone else's good opinion of him. He supposed he wasn't doing all that well with handling it, at least not today. Most days, he still didn't think about it too much, because he assumed Shinji would tell him if he wasn't happy about something.

Same goes for you, he countered wryly. Nothing's ever going to make me change my mind about you.

"I love you too," he whispered, burying his face in Shinji's hair. Love you so goddamn much.