potg: shinji and kippei

[shattermelt]

Kippei was impressed; this hotel had really nice beds. Nice, big, soft beds, big enough for him and Shinji and Shinji's wings. Those wings. They still gave him an awed sense of disbelief and wonder every time he looked at them, but they were undeniably real. Shinji was an angel. It was just incredible.

They were really, really warm, too. Kippei didn't think he'd ever slept better in his life than he had last night, on Shinji's bed with the wings tucked around them both. He reached out to stroke the back of one, fully feathered now and sort of glowing in the faint light from the window. Not white. They weren't white. He hadn't really seen them in daylight yet, but he was pretty sure they weren't white even then.

"Hey, beautiful," he murmured when he sensed Shinji stirring, starting to wake up. He hadn't meant to wake him but he supposed when you had a human mucking around with your wings you might get twitchy.

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[ayretala.livejournal.com]

"Silly," Shinji laughed a little breathlessly, because it made his ribs ache to laugh. His smile was wide as he shifted, pushing himself up and straddling Kippei, leaning down to kiss the corners of his mouth. "You make it better than it's ever been before. You make everything better. That's why it hurts to have to go away, even for a moment, even for just a day...I want to be able to stay with you always, so I just have to get better." It sounded so much simpler than it really was.

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Kippei smiled, even though it hurt, because it was nice to know that Shinji thought he made things better, even if, for him, it wasn't better enough. He wanted to make Shinji happy, really truly happy all the time, and never hurting. Of course, that was an impossibility, no matter what he couldn't do that, even if Shinji wasn't a sick angel there would be things that Kippei couldn't keep from happening, things that hurt him or made him unhappy. But that didn't mean he didn't want to.

"I'm glad," was all he said. "I want to stay with you too."

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

"Mmm really?" Shinji couldn't stop smiling, leaning down to lie on top of Kippei and kiss him, over and over because it was just the most perfect thing ever. Kippei was the real angel; God just got it wrong.

"Are you gonna stay with me all day then?"

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, really." Kippei had to smile, himself, feeling warm all over at the sight of the smile he'd put on Shinji's face.

"As long as I can. When do you have to go back?"

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

"Tonight," Shinji smirked. "Which gives us...mm...about ten hours? What do you want to do? We can order room service, but their pancakes aren't as good as mine." Actually he had no idea if they were or not, never having ordered any, but Kippei should just agree because Shinji made pancakes for Kippei was obsessive love, and nothing beat that.

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Kippei sighed. Only ten hours. God, that didn't sound like any time at all.

"I'm not hungry," he decided. "They wouldn't be yours and I don't want to eat. How about you tell me.... everything. Where you really come from and... your family, and where you live when you're not here, and..." He had so many questions, wanted to know so many things, he didn't know where to start.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

"About me?" Shinji just lay there, stumped. He wanted to know everything? About Shinji? There really wasn't that much to say, was there? He supposed they didn't really know anything about each other. It hadn't seemed important, but now that he was staying around Shinji wanted to know everything about Kippei.

"Um...I have two sisters, both younger than me...they're not sick so they live with my parents. I live in a centre for treatment. It's new and on a special island. I have one roommate...he's kind of insane. Everyone has different syptoms and he's suicidal so he likes to cut himself up."

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Kippei listened intently, absorbing the details and filling out his picture of Shinji's background, which was mostly a big blank hole. He knew Shinji, but he didn't know anything about him--and until now, that had never seemed to matter, but now he found himself gathering each bit of information like jewels, something precious.

"Sounds like you could use a new roommate," he commented, but of course, Shinji belonged here with him and Kippei wouldn't like his roommate no matter who it was. "So," he said slowly, after he thought about it a bit. "This sickness, it doesn't run in families?" If it really was a... a soul thing, he supposed it wouldn't. That part was still really hard to believe.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

"Nope. Totally random. And the symptoms are a really long list. They didn't realise I was sick until I was eighteen, because...well, I had funny symptoms when I was younger and they didn't notice." Really didn't want to be thinking about any of that.

"Kirihara isn't so bad. He needs someone to hold his hand and pet his stupid head every now and then but he's okay."

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Kippei sighed, unhappy with the idea of a random mystery disease that had, for some reason, attacked his Shinji for no reason. It was true that if Shinji hadn't been sick, he would never have come here and Kippei would never have met him, but Kippei didn't like to think about that. He hated thinking that Shinji might have been sick for a reason--because of him. Even if that was a stupidly arrogant and fated way of thinking and he thought it was crap, the idea still made him uneasy.

"I should be your roommate," he grumbled. He didn't like this Kirihara at all, no matter what Shinji said.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

"Mmm that would be really cool, but that would also mean you were sick and I don't want you to be sick. Besides." He grinned and wove his fingers through Kippei's hair thoughtfully, enjoying the way the strands clung to his fingers.

"I like you much better when you're my home."

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Kippei had to smile, half laughing as he buried his face in Shinji's hair and hung on tighter. God, yes. Much worse if he was sick too, and he couldn't take care of Shinji. But if he'd been sick, at least he would have been there with him, would have known what he was going through, would have been able to share it. Even if he'd been sick too, he was sure he would have found a way to take care of Shinji.

"I'll always be your home," he whispered finally, swallowing hard past the sudden tightness in his throat.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, you will." Because no matter what else happened that was certainly never going to change. Shinji rested his chin on his hands, watching as if he could actually see.

"What about you? I want to know everything about you."

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Kippei chuckled. "There isn't much to say about me. You know where I work, I've been doing that since I was old enough to get accepted. I don't see my family very often--my sister's married and we're both busy, but we keep in touch. Sort of. I work and on my off days I ride my bike or I go hiking or climbing or just hang out somewhere. Play a pickup game of basketball with my friends or something." He paused, hesitating. "Sometimes I go up to the university library and spend the day there," he muttered, a little embarrassed.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

Ah yes, Kippei's oh so embarassing reading habit. Shinji grinned and kissed him, a reward for his little story. So Kippei was the big brother too? Maybe...he hadn't said that but Shinji got the feeling Kippei definately wasn't the younger sibling. It felt like one more thing they had in common, silly as it was.

"Can I meet them? Can I meet your friends?"

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Kippei blinked at him, a little taken aback. He hadn't expected that question, though he didn't know why not.

"Ummm... sure, I guess," he said, a little reluctant for some reason. It wasn't that he didn't want Shinji to meet his friends, but... he didn't want to have to share him.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

"Ummm? You sound hesitant, but not against the idea." Which fascinated Shinji and only made him more determined to meet them. They were part of Kippei's life and so Shinji wanted to meet them and talk to them and get to know that part of Kippei he had never seen.

"I want to meet them. Maybe not right away...I want to meet them without a bandage on my head and my eyes taped shut...but I do want to meet them."

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Kippei shrugged, a little uncomfortably. "Well, I haven't told them much about you. They just..." He sighed. "They'll give me so much shit for this," he muttered. He knew perfectly well that it would all be good natured and even affectionate, but they would give him no end of a hard time for hiding away with a 'looker' like Shinji.

"You can meet them, just. You know. They're guys, and they don't mean anything. They're nice." But he still felt a bit apprehensive about what in the hell they might say to Shinji or about him.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

Shinji pondered that, but it didn't scare him off. He might get joked about or made fun of, but they were Kippei's friends so Shinji didn't think it would be in bad humour. Kippei was just afraid of being made fun of, which really came as no surprise.

"So I get to be your dirty little secret?"

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Kippei snorted. "Something like that. They know I've been seeing someone, but not who or anything else about you." Didn't even know it was a guy, although he'd never made any secret of his preferences.

"It's not that you're a secret, exactly. I just... was busy and wanted to spend my time with you when I had it, and... didn't want to share you," he muttered. They were going to get all over him for not introducing Shinji sooner, but he'd been too focused on Shinji himself. It hadn't been in the priorities when he had so little time with Shinji to begin with.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

"But I liked being a secret," Shinji mused quietly, almost to himself. "I liked having you all to myself and not having to deal with anyone else and just...it was like living in a dream, don't you think? It was just us. It is just us. That's pretty neat. But I want to know everything, and everything has friends attached. You already met the one friend I made...so now I get to meet yours." Though he doubted Kippei's friends were anything like Eiji.

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Kippei grinned. "Yeah, it's pretty neat," he agreed. Having their own little world with just the two of them in it, what more did they need? It was perfect. But the rest of the world, or both worlds, he supposed, since Shinji wasn't actually from this one, still existed, and couldn't be ignored forever.

"You'll meet them," he assured Shinji. "When you're feeling better and you can go out again, we'll go see them. Meet them, anyway," he corrected, thinking that see wasn't quite the right word.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

Shinji grinned at that, because he liked the way Kippei never tip-toed around it. He often forgot Shinji couldn't see or seemed disappointed in it, but he never tried to avoid it deliberately like some people did.

"I'm feeling better now. I'm with you. I always feel better with you. Mmm but I can wait since I don't think they would appreciate me breaking the rules and just walking out. I wonder how far I would get before they pounced on me. It took them long enough to get me when I was sick. But I guess they were busy."

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Kippei winced slightly at the reminder--not a great memory, standing helplessly by and watching strangers he only hoped could help him take his boyfriend away, no guarantee that he'd ever see him again or even know what had happened to him if it was something bad. Standing by because even with that uncertainty, it was still more of a chance than he'd had, sitting there alone watching Shinji dying in his arms.

"You can wait," he said firmly. "We're not doing that again." I'm not doing that again.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

"I can wait," Shinji agreed, sensing the immediate disease in Kippei and stroking a hand gently down the side of his neck and across his chest, trying to soothe away the hurts he had inadvertantly given Kippei. It was, perhaps, the only thing he regretted.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt you."

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Kippei sighed, not even knowing what to say to that. How could Shinji not have known that it would hurt him? How could he have thought that losing Shinji so suddenly, like that, would be better than waiting and trying gain as much time as they could, take as much as they could get? He didn't really understand Shinji's reasoning, why he'd wanted or thought that it would be best, but the fact remained that it had hurt, although he believed that Shinji hadn't meant it to.

"It's always going to hurt, Shinji," he said quietly. "No matter how, no matter when, losing you is going to kill me." Literally, but Shinji didn't have to know that. "Nothing that you do is going to change that--but I want it to be later rather than sooner. I don't want to lose you any sooner than I have to."

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

Shinji swallowed past the lump in his throat, feeling hurt because he had hurt Kippei and it was almost funny that he had inadvertantly hurt himself too. He placed his hand over Kippei's heart and could feel his pulse criss-crossing over Kippei's through his fingertips and wished they were beating at the same time, but that was stupid.

"I know...I just didn't want it to but it was too late. It's okay...I'm going to stay. I'm going to stay with you." No matter what it took, he was staying with Kippei.

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Kippei silently kissed his temple, and let his hands wander slowly up and down Shinji's back, broad flat strokes of his hands, both comfort and idle exploration. Shinji was here right now, and that would do for the moment. He didn't know if Shinji meant stay as in, stay as long as possible, or if he was wishing that something might change, wanting to believe that he would get better and be able to stay forever. Kippei didn't think he could bring himself to hope for that, but he wasn't going to call Shinji on it, either.

"You know I miss you every time, right?" he asked after a minute. "Every time you go, I always miss you. It's always better when I'm with you, too."