potg: shinji and kippei

[shattermelt]

Kippei had been trying to tell himself that he wasn't worried when he didn't hear from Shinji for almost a week. He had no idea where Shinji went home to or when he was coming back, and it wasn't that long, really. But Kippei missed him fiercely, which was kind of stupid considering he'd known Shinji for a total of a few days, and he could think about little else on his next two days off but the fact that Shinji wasn't there, and the degree to which that bothered him disturbed him a great deal. Shinji was supposed to be here, which was not only irrational but extremely lame, and the relief that burst inside his chest when Shinji finally called him on Friday night would have knocked him over if he hadn't already been laying down.

"Shinji," he breathed into the phone, so fucking relieved like he'd been afraid Shinji was going to disappear into thin air and never come back again. He told Shinji he'd come see him in the morning, cursing the fact that he was at work, and the six hours left until the end of his shift had never seemed so freaking long. By the time he finally got out of there, he didn't even care that he'd been on for 24 hours and should just go home and sleep. He'd gotten a little more sleep than usual on this shift and he figured that was good enough. He went straight to Shinji's without going home first, though he did change into street clothes before he left the station.

"Shinji," he told the woman at the desk, rolling his eyes internally at the breathless tone in his voice, but he was going to see Shinji again and nothing else mattered. She told him she couldn't give out the room number, but he told her impatiently to just call him and tell him someone was here. He really hoped that Shinji would know it was him; a spark of insane jealousy shot through him at the idea of anyone else coming to see Shinji like this. There wasn't anybody else, he was almost sure of that, but he hated the idea anyway. He paced restlessly through the lobby area while he waited for Shinji to come down.

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[ayretala.livejournal.com]

Shinji was waiting for the call from the desk, already having shoved his phone in his pocket and grabbed his wallet. He hadn't even bothered to unpack, having only got in at midnight and sleeping straight after he had called Kippei. He shouldn't have called at one in the morning but Kippei had been at work and maybe he didn't mind so much? Not that Shinji actually cared about anything other than actually getting to hold Kippei's hand again. Shinji took the lift and listened to the floors beep through with cool indifference, finally striding out into the lobby a few steps, far enough to get away from the elevator, and just waiting, because he couldn't see a damn thing; the lobby was filled with early morning light that hurt even behind his glasses. Kippei would find him, unless Kippei got bored waiting for him to get downstairs and left already. That thought made Shinji nervous and he toyed with the hem of his shirt restlessly.

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

"Shinji!" Kippei could feel his face light up like some kind of movie, and he couldn't even stop it, felt like he was beaming like some kind of neon sign and oh fucking well. He strode over and put his arms around Shinji like he'd been waiting to do that forever, hugging him tightly. He was seriously insane. It felt like every fucking thing in his life that had ever been wrong just suddenly clicked into place and nothing could ever be wrong again as long as he was holding Shinji. Stupid.

"I'm glad to see you," he sighed into Shinji's hair, pulling back to give him a quick kiss on the forehead and inspecting him with a slightly worried look. "You okay?" Of course he was okay, idiot, he just got back and there was no fucking reason why he shouldn't be, you worry for nothing cuz you didn't even know how long he was going to be gone. He laughed, a little sheepishly, and brushed Shinji's cheek with fingers of one hand. "I missed you. I was worried..." that you weren't coming back, stupid stupid stupid. So what if he didn't come back, it wasn't the end of the world, right? Ow. Kippei winced as the idea made his chest seize up like he was having a heart attack. Never fucking mind then, maybe it was the end of the world. At least for him.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

Shinji damn near jumped out of his skin. He was just standing there waiting and suddenly we he seized in some weird bear-like hug and he didn't relax until Kippei spoke and he recognised his voice, then he breathed and realised he knew the scent and he finally wrapped his arms snug around Kippei's waist, smiling faintly at the warm caress of lips across his forehead, but frowning at the words.

"I'm fine. Do I look like I'm not or something? Why were you worried?" Shinji didn't know what he looked like but he had hoped it was anything other than sick which was how he had felt for the last week.

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

"You look fine," Kippei assured him, kissing his forehead again because he couldn't help himself. "You look great. I just missed you is all. I didn't know when you were coming back." He laughed in the wry, self-deprecating way that invited Shinji to laugh at him too. He let his hands run up and down Shinji's back, down his arms, stroking and reassuring himself that Shinji was really actually there.

"So, you ready to go?" he asked, anxious to get away from here and away from everyone and have Shinji to himself.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

"Yeah," Shinji smiled again, feeling refreshed somehow. He reached out and found Kippei's arm, wrapping both hands tight around it, walking so close there wasn't really a gap between them and not caring what it looked like in the least. He leant up and kissed Kippei's jaw.

"I missed you too." More than Kippei would ever know, Shinji missed him. He had never wanted anything, but he wanted Kippei now.

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Kippei felt relieved again somehow to hear that, and held onto Shinji's hand on his arm, squeezing the fingers. "You want to come over to my place today? I didn't really have any plans, I just came here when you called me, but we can do something else if you want." Shinji could at least see his apartment, something that Kippei suddenly really wanted him to do, for some reason that he wasn't thinking about yet.

"Or we can go out later. You want to, uh--" and the sentence broke down because he was trying to remember what kind of date things you were supposed to do when you were like, actually in a relationship, and he sure as hell hoped this was a relationship because it was going to kill him if it wasn't.

"Go to a movie or dinner or something?" he asked doubtfully, because he was pretty sure that was what people did, but Shinji couldn't watch the movie and Kippei had no idea where they'd go for dinner and wasn't that what everyone did? Kind of boring... although he liked the idea of going out in public with Shinji and everyone seeing them together and knowing Shinji was his. Hell yes, he liked that idea a lot.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

"No...I mean yes. Or..I mean, yeah...I wanna go to your place, I dont wanna see a movie or anything. I don't want to go anywhere loud." Nothing that could distract him from the exact quality of Kippei's voice was permitted. "Can you cook? I want to eat something you make. I cant cook anything cept pancakes...but I make really good pancakes. I'll make them for breakfast..well, one day." He realised he had damn near invited himself to stay the night at Kippei's house and a slight blush crept over his cheeks but he couldn't help it. He wanted to spend all his time with Kippei and all he would ever get was 72 stinking hours.

"Do you have hot chocolate?"

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Kippei chuckled. "Yeah. I don't cook so well myself but I'm sure I can manage something for you." Anything for you. He bit down on his cheek to keep from saying that part aloud, surprised that he was even thinking it. Damn but Shinji had gotten under his skin so far, so fast Kippei had never seen it coming until it had already happened.

He looked sideways at Shinji, curious about the blush. Breakfast? "You can stay, you know," he offered suddenly, guessing. "I have tomorrow off too... but I don't know when you're going back."

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

"The day after tomorrow," Shinji muttered glumly, not wanting to go back at all. Three days wasn't long enough, it just wasn't. But he could stay, so maybe it would be three whole days with Kippei, except he had already lost half a day and Kippei probably had to work the day after tommorrow so really it was only one and a half days, which was only half the time he got here...definately not long enough. He clung a little tighter to Kippei's arm, as if Kippei might suddenly disappear, which was stupid, but still.

"Can I really stay?" He couldn't keep the hopeful tone out of his voice. "I didn't bring my bag or anything, and I dont want to annoy you or anything."

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Oh wow, that really shouldn't send a thrill rippling down his spine to kick him in the gut, but it did, because wow. Shinji could stay and he didn't bring anything which meant Shinji would have to borrow some clothes, and the idea of seeing Shinji in his clothes, three sizes too big and so fucking cute just about makes his head explode. Kippei has to clear his throat before he can answer.

"Hell, yeah. I'd keep you if I could," he added, throwing a teasing look at Shinji like he didn't mean it, but oh, god, he did. His hand tightened automatically over Shinji's fingers on his arm, giving him away if Shinji noticed, but maybe he wouldn't. Annoy him? Kippei snorted mentally. Yeah, right.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

Shinji frowned at that, glancing up at Kippei. Honestly, Kippei had a few insane moments.

"I'm not a dog you know. You better not try to feed me pet food." But really, in the end he was just trying not to show how much he liked that idea. Having Kippei keep him, and not going back and just staying here. Dying here. In the end he would rather die quickly with Kippei than put up with however long he had left in first realm, but he couldn't tell anyone that. It was just an idea stirring in the back of his head.

"Can you walk to the hotel from your place?"

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Kippei shot a sideways look at him, ignoring the snark because he was pretty sure it was just that, snark, judging by the rather pleased look on Shinji's face.

"Yeah," he said, "but we're not going to walk." He'd driven over here and he hadn't been able to park as close as he would have liked, but there was his bike and she was beautiful and he was finally going to take Shinji for a ride. Okay, so maybe they wouldn't go home right away after all. He grinned, and bit his lip to keep from whistling.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

Shinji paused, frowning while he thought, but in the end he just shook his head, not happy with that at all.

"But I wont know how to find where you live again if I dont walk there." And yeah maybe that was a little stalkerish, but Shinji didn't care. He wanted to be able to walk to Kippei's place from the portal and he couldn't do that if he had never been there.

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Kippei chuckled at him, shaking his head absently as he found two mugs and got out the hot chocolate, and started the hot water on the stove. "You didn't have to," he answered. "I just do when I'm home because..." He shrugged, not knowing how to put it into words. "Because I'm home. I don't have to be ready." When he was on duty he never took them off, even for sleeping.

He tilted his head, looking back at Shinji a little curiously while he waited for the water to get hot. Call him what? Oh. That. "Do you mind?" he asked, a little worried. He hadn't really noticed that he'd said it, it had just fallen out. "I just." He pressed his lips together and shook his head slightly, unable to explain. Shinji looked like an angel, he should be an angel, and to Kippei he just was and that was all there was to it. It was stupid, he knew that, but the name somehow summed up all of his feelings about Shinji in a single tender word, and it had spilled out without him really thinking about it.

"I can stop if you want," he offered doubtfully, not entirely sure that he could in fact stop himself from thinking of Shinji that way.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

Shinji thought about it for a while. He had never liked being what he was, especially not when he found out he was one of the sick ones. But he liked it, when Kippei said it; he liked it a lot. Kippei made it seem like a good thing; like a nice thing. Not a sick thing.

"I never wanted to be an angel before," he murmured, then realised it could be taken the wrong way. "I mean...I always thought they were sort of stupid. But...I like it. I like it when you say it. You make it sound like its something good."

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Something in Shinji's voice made that tight, sad feeling tear at Kippei's chest again, like there was something that Shinji wasn't telling him, some tragedy behind him that Kippei couldn't see. He went over and crouched down in front of him, taking his hands and turning them over gently, stroking the palms with his thumbs.

"It is good," he said softly, looking up into Shinji's face. "When I saw you... when I first saw you, that was all I could think. You just... god. You're unbelievable, just, gorgeous and perfect and that's what I thought. Angels look like this." He raised Shinji's hands and kissed the fingers, that damn ache in his chest squeezing his heart until he thought it might break, and he didn't know why.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

Shinji smiled slowly and shook his head. How did Kippei just say stuff like that. And how did he even know any of it was true. Benefit of the not blind. Shinji didn't agree with it, but he was in no place to argue.

"I'm not perfect," he chuckled softly at the very idea. "Angels aren't perfect either," he pointed out because even humans had their funny stories about what happened when someone stuffed up and they all got separated.

"Mmm...I'll be your guardian angel. How about that?" He couldn't help laughing at the idea. Some guardian angel he would be. There for three out of four days...two really, and then gone for good in a year or two. He would be the worst guardian angel in history.

"The kettle is boiling."

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Kippei couldn't breathe, god, he couldn't breathe. And when did this go from thinking that Shinji was beautiful and sexy and wanting to do unholy things to him, to needing him so much that it was scaring Kippei half to death inside. It wasn't just lust anymore, not by a long shot, although there was still plenty of that, but just Shinji's smile and his presence and... Kippei really didn't know how to handle this, but he was trying hard not to freak out about it when Shinji was right there.

The trouble was, Shinji was perfect. Not perfect as in flawless, not perfect as in never made mistakes, but perfect like perfectly right for him. Exquisite, Kippei thought the word was, the word they used for tiny crystal figurines and that was what Shinji reminded him of. Tiny beautiful clear shining fragile precious works of art, like his mother had used to collect. Also, guardian? The thought made him smile, but it was true in a way. Kettle, right.

"You already are," he said wryly, getting to his feet and going over to take the kettle off, pouring it carefully into the mugs and stirring up the hot chocolate. "Sorry," he said apologetically as he brought it back to the table. "I don't have any marshmallows."

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

"Aww, and I was so looking forward to the mushy green ones too..." Shinji rolled his eyes and took a tentative sip, humming in pleasure as the warmth slid down his throat and into his belly and god, why did it taste even better when he knew Kippei made it? He watched Kippei drinking and quickly reached out, carefully taking Kippei's mug and swapping them.

"I wanna drink yours."

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

"Green?" Kippei asked him, raising an eyebrow. When he'd teased Shinji about them before, they'd been pink. He decided not to ask any more, and shook his head. It was good, hot and warm and it eased some of the lingering tension in his chest as he took a drink, and then Shinji reached out and switched them, and he blinked, bemused. Then he grinned, relaxing and sprawling back in his seat, feeling a warmth clear through that had nothing at all to do with hot chocolate.

"You do that," he said, amused.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

Shinji just shook his head, amused but not willing to spend time saying so that he could spend drinking Kippei's hot chocolate. He idly wondered if Kippei had a special mug; one that he always drank out of. It was hard to say. On one hand Kippei was a hardass and would never admit to having sentimentality toward anything. On the other hand...Kippei was weird.

"Do you have a special mug?"

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Kippei looked at him oddly for a minute. "You mean like a favorite?" he asked finally. He shrugged, a bit embarrassed without knowing exactly why.

"Um, kinda. The one I usually use," he nodded at the one in Shinji's hand before he remembered he couldn't see. He reached out, picking it up and turning it around to tap the picture on the front. "It's black, with a silver lineart of Tokyo Tower on it." He shrugged again and set it back down by Shinji's hand.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

Shinji blinked and stared at the mug in his hands, then lifted it up to hide his smile behind while he squinted to look at it. Sure enough, there was tokyo tower, right on the front of it. Or a wobbly version of it anyway. And Kippei had willingly let him have it and told him to go ahead and use it. For some reason, Shinji felt like a marshamallow, all melted and oozy in the hot chocolate.

"Have you been there? Is that where you got the mug?"

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Kippei chuckled. "Yeah, I go there sometimes, it's a pretty neat place." Who was he kidding, it was awesome, the majestic structure towering over the city like an ethereal spire of light and metal, and so high you could see everything laid out beneath you. It was incredible.

"I like to go at night," he added, idly tracing the figure onto the table in front of him. "I'll take you sometime, if you want." Now that would be cool, going to the top of the tower with Shinji, except Shinji wouldn't be able to see how cool it was. The thought made him sigh faintly. God it was cruel for someone like Shinji to not be able to see.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

Shinji could hear the sigh and it made him feel a little guilty. It must be hard trying to think of things to do with a person who couldn't see. He leant back on his stool, thinking about it.

"Okay. I want to go. We can go...tonight. And we can do the walk from the hotel to here." And then he could sleep in Kippei's bed...or not. Whatever. "You know I'm not blind right?" He asked curiously, because he wasn't sure Kippei got it. "Some days I can see better than others. It depends how I'm feeling and what the light is like and how hard I'm willing to push it." He shrugged, because most of the time he wasn't willing to push it at all because the headaches were impossible afterward, but for Kippei...he would do anything for Kippei. Even die to spend one more day with him. "I want to go and see the tower tonight." Because Kippei wanted him to see it.