tp5 log: shinji goes home

[shattermelt]

Shinji was going home. Thank god! It wasn't that he didn't like staying at the Angel, or with Ina, far from it. But he hated being a burden on anyone, and Ina was completely supporting him and he didn't like that at all. So when he finally got the all clear from Ina too, he was delighted, to say the least. He could go home, and he could get to work on the new craft system. And he could buy his own food, and get dirty if he had to, and he could sleep on a weird schedule without anyone thinking he was weird, or being a bum or ...it was just better. To be at home, where no one could question anything he did. Yeah.

So he was going through his room at the Angel with a fine tooth comb to make sure he didn't leave a mess or forget anything so Ina wouldn't have to go all the way to his place just to return a comb or something. She had already done more than enough for him.

It was a little bit later than Kippei had planned on when he finally got to the Angel. He knew Shinji hadn't been expecting him early, but he had still hurried because he wanted to get there as soon as possible. He'd been restless and irritable all day, and consequently short with people, which wasn't all that different outwardly from his usual behavior, but he could feel the shortness of his temper and his difficulty in hanging on to it, and he knew it was because he just didn't want to be anywhere but there right now.

He allowed himself a small sigh of relief as he turned over the last few tasks of the day to his aide, and left to catch the shuttle to Brown. They were going to have to figure something else out, because this arrangement was just not cool. Living on opposite sides of the station was a pain in the arse.

Shinji stuffed the last thing he owned into his bag and went to say his thanks, hugging Ina like she was about to disappear, hard and wondfully and thanking her profusely before heading for...whatever was the quickest way to his place. There were several ways to get there, but he opted for a longer route, past the shuttle port, because it was cleaner and less likely anything could go wrong and hence he wouldn't be lectured beyond all recognition for it. Besides, Kippei still hadn't been yet and Shinji was holding onto the brief hope he still might get to see him tonight, and the only way that was going to happen was via the shuttle. So. That was the way.

Kippei almost missed him, not having expected to see Shinji here. The Angel was mercifully close to the shuttle entrance, and he was completely focused on getting there in as short a line as possible. It was only because of his usual habit of scanning his surroundings, no matter how distracted he was, noting everything even if he dismissed it immediately, that he saw Shinji at all. When he did he stopped in his tracks, taking a moment to abort his current mission and changing direction--Shinji had already seen him, as if he'd been looking for him. Kippei frowned cautiously as he approached.

"What are you doing?" he asked, and then he took in the fact that Shinji was holding his bag and it had been about a week now and... was he going home finally? An odd note of disappointment tangled with fierce elation inside of him, and Kippei forced himself to relax slightly, even as he looked around warily. Standing in the middle of a crowded shuttle port was not a place he felt comfortable letting his guard down. "Going home?" he asked, his voice softening in spite of himself.

Comments

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

Not exactly the first words he wanted to hear come out of Kippei's mouth, but then there were more words, softer and understanding and Shinji smiled and nodded, wanting to kiss him but not here...okay maybe he was a tad addicted to the kissing thing, but anyone would be if they got those kisses. He looked around and spotted a free bench over in a shadowy corner and dragged Kippei there, dumping his bag for a second and taking a breather, since he actually kind of needed one. He wasn't so good at walking around yet...another week. That sucked. He distracted himself with Kippei, just looking at him, letting the presence sink in and he relaxed.

"I wasn't sure you were gonna make it."

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Kippei frowned slightly, taking a quick glance at him and then looking around again, uneasy with simply standing here. But they were fairly unobtrusive in the shadows, so he rolled his shoulders and tried to relax, glancing at Shinji again.

"I didn't know you were going home today," he answered. He'd almost missed Shinji here entirely, and the idea made his stomach drop unpleasantly, even though he knew that he could have just found out from Inanna where Shinji had gone and followed him.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

"Neither did I, but the Doc called and asked a few questions and agreed that I was okay to go, and I didn't want to annoy people by staying any longer, Ina does have a business to run and I was taking up one of the larger rooms...and I just, want to be able to do stuff, like make a mess, and sleep when I want without people thinking its weird or that I'm being lazy, and I can do that at home." He caressed the strap of his backpack fondly, amused at himself because even getting to carry it was a kind of relief; it said look I can do this, and look I'm going home.

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Kippei nodded, doing another absent scan of the surroundings. Well... now what? Shinji seemed glad to be going home, and Kippei was glad about it too, in theory, at least it meant Shinji was getting better, but it also meant that Kippei would see him less and he didn't like that at all.

"Let's go then," he said finally, trying to smile as he gestured for Shinji to lead the way and carefully did not offer to carry Shinji's bag for him. He would have liked to, but the way Shinji was holding it suggested that he would rather carry it himself, and Kippei couldn't blame him. He wasn't helpless, far from it, even if being injured like that tended to make you feel that way.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

Startled, Shinji blinked at him, then shrugged. If Kippei wanted to come home for a bit that was more than fine with Shinji. Though, he wasnt sure Kippei would like his place at all! Especially considering the way he had left it, in a rush, last time. Maybe someone had been nice enough to clean it up a bit....

He decided to just enjoy the walk with Kippei, waiting until they were in more abandoned hallways to reach out and tangle his fingers around Kippei's, knowing Kippei wouldn't have ben comfortable with it in the larger open spaces; Shinji definately wasn't.

"Thanks for coming. You must have had a pretty long day." Which made him feel a little guilty about him coming down to brown at the end of it.

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Kippei shrugged, hanging on tightly to Shinji's fingers, which made him feel slightly better. A long day mostly because he'd spent all of it trying not to think about Shinji every other second, and wishing he could just leave already and go see him. It was a strange and not entirely comfortable thing to realize that he was never completely easy in his mind unless Shinji was within sight and Kippei could see for himself that he was fine.

"Missed you," was all he said, throwing him a sideways glance with a slightly crooked smile.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

Meaning he was distracted and silly most of the day. Shinji frowned, but he couldnt think of much of a solution to that so he just shrugged and figured Kippei would have to learn to deal with it.

He finally got to his door and opened it, peeking inside, relieved when it wasn't as bad as he thought. A few things strewn about the floor, a couple of dishes in the sink, but other than that, it was clean enough. He walked in and dumped his bag by the doorway to his room, then went about turning things on again; getting air circulating and vents open.

"Uh...this is my place...obviously."

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Kippei did smile at that, glancing at him out of the corner of his eye as he surveyed the space that was Shinji's.

"I remember," he said softly. He'd been here before, once, though he had been doing his best to stay focused on work and the reason he'd been here, rather than Shinji and the fact that the place was his. It was a different light to see it with this thought in mind--a comfortable, lived in place, very different from his own, but it felt like Shinji. A sharp wistful ache lodged suddenly in Kippei's chest, the realisation that Shinji had his own place, his own life, and Kippei wasn't a part of it. Didn't really belong here. God this was so fucked up, it was insane, they were totally different people and this was never going to work, but goddammit he was doing it anyway.

He raised his head to watch Shinji moving around the room, sure of himself and looking at home here, and Kippei restrained a quiet sigh. He remembered the feeling of having Shinji at his place, the easy way he'd almost gotten used to that, or wanted to, and he wondered if that could ever actually happen. He wanted, badly, to find out--but Shinji had just gotten home and maybe he didn't want to leave again. Maybe he wouldn't want to... hell, Kippei didn't even know what he wanted, except that he wanted Shinji, as much and as often as possible.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

It was weird, being at his place with Kippei, because it was so obviously not Kippei's space. It was his, wholly and completely and while he had no problem sharing, he wasn't so sure Kippei could ever get used to living in someone else's space. He went to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of cold water....very cold water, since it had been sitting in there a while.

"You want some? Or anything?"

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Kippei looked at him sideways for a second and then quirked a wry grin. Or anything, huh?

"Come here," he answered, holding out his hand and beckoning with his fingers. He moved closer without waiting for an answer, hand still extended and waiting for Shinji to take it. His eyes glinted with something that was half mischief, and half very determined intention.

Come here and kiss me.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

Well, that wasn't exactly the answer he was expecting, but Shinji still wanted to give Kippei whatever the hell it was he wanted, so he quickly drank the water he had poured himself and wandered over, taking Kippei's hand again, smiling a little at the warm fingers and as he got close enough he wound his arms around Kippei's waist, just enjoying holding onto him.

"And now? What do you want now?"

[ahael.livejournal.com]

Kippei didn't bother answering in words--Shinji looked a little confused, and he'd taken his time wandering over, but that didn't really matter because he was here and now he was exactly where Kippei wanted him. Kippei sighed with relief and curved one hand around the back of Shinji's neck, pulling him closer and Shinji had his head tipped up just perfectly; all Kippei had to do was lean down and kiss the hell out of him, and he did.

Now seemed like as good a time as any to give Shinji the kiss he should have had months ago, to kiss him back the way that he deserved. The way Kippei had been wanting to for what seemed like forever, the way he never had, the way that Shinji had kissed him that first time but more intense, more everything--deeper and longer and more fierce and sweet and hot, finally tasting as much as he wanted to, his tongue sliding against Shinji's and over the roof of his mouth, licking every surface and breathing him as if he were air. He was going to run out of oxygen in a minute, but that was the last thing he cared about right now.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

Oh hell. It had been one thing to think maybe Kippei would kiss like this, and be denied and simply try to get over it. It was quite another thing to know he kissed like that. If Kippei decided he couldn't this, Shinji would never be able to forget that Tachibana kissed like this; just the way he had dreamt he would and it was the best kiss Shinji had ever had, and the only one he ever wanted again. His arms wrapped tighter, trying to pull Kippei closer still, as if to draw the tongue further into his mouth and that taste all the way inside him. Kippei tasted like the ground; something Shinji hadn't seen in years. He had to keep reminding himself to breathe through his nose, to make it last longer, to hold his breath just that much longer so this could last as long as possible. When at last he pulled away, just a tiny bit, he couldn't stop the grin from blooming.

"Oh. So that's what you wanted. You could have just said so."

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Kippei gave him a tiny quirk of a smile in response, settling both arms around him and holding on, finally almost relaxing.

"I said come here, what else did you think I wanted?" He looked amused. "You asked what, I said here, obvious answer is you." The answer is always you, but he couldn't say that.

His smile faded slightly and he studied Shinji for a moment, then looked around again, trying to imagine himself living here. Even better, living here with Shinji. It wasn't a bad place at all, even if it was small.

"So, this is it then," he murmured, and whether he meant the place or the time or something else entirely was less than clear.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

Shinji felt a pang of guilt again, as if he were trying to make Kippei come down to his level. He was suddenly very much aware of a huge gap in social status. It had never been overly important in Fudomine, but it was there, and it was glaringly obvious and if there was ever peace Shinji was sure it would become a much more obvious thing. And Tachibana Kippei would always be a Tachibana, and Shinji would always be an Ibu. The last one, as it turned out. Whatever. His little hole in the wall in Brown was not the place for a Tachibana; he had the place for a Tachibana, in Green, where he belonged. Where that couch was...

"Um....yeah. This is my place." Mine, and not yours. You wouldn't be at home here. You would try, but trying isnt enough sometimes.

"You know...you said your bed was more comfy than your couch, but you haven't proved it."

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Kippei nodded absently, thinking about it. He didn't like this whole arrangement, not really. He wanted...Shinji with him, all the time. Not just for a night or two now and then, but every night and every day too. And he didn't really care where--well, he did care, but not as much as he cared that Shinji was there. They could make it work, regardless. He sighed tensely, releasing Shinji and starting to pace restlessly around the room.

"Look, I don't want--I miss you. I'm tired of... this." He waved his hand vaguely, and shoved his fingers through his hair in frustration. Naturally when he wanted them, he couldn't find the words. "I'm tired of this right now. I want to be with you, where you are, I want you with me. You just got home and I'm not saying you should move. I don't know what you want. But I need... I need you closer. I don't want any of this back and forth, a night here and a night there and never all the time. So it's up to you." He stopped, turning to face Shinji with some apprehension and folding his arms, more to hold himself still than anything like a challenge.

"I'm staying here tonight," he informed Shinji. "After that, either I'm staying here, end of story, or you come home with me and we stay there. Your choice." He held his breath, waiting.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

Shinji wasn't sure when he had hit his head, but for a few long minutes he wa sure he had; he could have sworn Kippei just said that he wanted to live with him. Then, when the silence just kept getting longer, Shinji realised that Kippei had just invited him to live with him. Which was...unbelievable. Last time Shinji was in Kippei's place the guy had glared at him. Non stop. And acted like he was going to choke on his really yummy spaghetti if Shinji so much as considered sneezing. But...he had also denied wanting to marry Sada, and said something else instead that Shinji just hadn't noticed. So maybe the rest was just...not wanting to get used to what you couldn't have. Shinji understood that, a little more than he wished he did. Very slowly, Shinji looked around, and it took a bit, but he came to the conclusion he wasn't all that attached to the place, though he would keep it because he could store stuff in it. Like parts for the ship. And later, if it really did work, then...he could get rid of it.

"Okay. We can do that. Okay." He sounded like he was trying to convince someone and stopped, which gave him time to think about other things. "Wait..you said. You're staying? Here? Tonight? With me? In there?" He thought about his bed, remembered it being relatively clean bar the scattered machine parts lined up against the wall and he just hoped the sheets were clean and not covered in...grease. And once he had decided that he just smiled and nodded. "You're staying here tonight, with me." And damn that was surreal, but so. fucking. good.

"And then tomorrow we can go back to your place." For good. Oh god.

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Shinji said okay. Kippei let out the breath he was holding in a huge exhalation of relief, and finally relaxed for real. He let his arms drop to his sides, tilting his head with a hint of a smile as Shinji went on. He nodded in answer to all the questions, slightly amused by Shinji's shock. He was staying, because he couldn't stand it anymore, and now that Shinji was home there was no reason not to.

"Yes," he sighed, coming over to wrap Shinji in his arms again, holding him as tightly as he dared. Yes and always yes. Nothing felt more right than this, nothing had ever been right like this before. He wondered vaguely why Shinji chose his place instead of his own--maybe it was the bed? He couldn't deny that he really, really wanted Shinji there. He wouldn't mind staying here, he could do that, but it was less than convenient. His place was bigger and more comfortable--sort of, in some ways--and it was his, and he liked the idea of Shinji in his space. Not that he would say that to Shinji.

"Thank you," he murmured, a bit stiffly, burying his face in Shinji's hair. Thank you for understanding, because I don't know anymore what I would do without you.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

"mm....you dont need to thank me," Shinji murmered against Kippei's shoulder, wrapping him up in a warm hug and smiling against the material of his shirt. "I told you I like your couch and I want to see your bed, and when you see my bed you'll probably understand, and I promise I wont try to make anything in bed. I'll keep it all on a table or in a corner or something because...hmm...that can get really messy." No way was he making engine parts or the like in Kippei's bed. Hell no, he expected to make other things in that bed, preferably with Kippei.

"...'sides. I want to live somewhere I can get delivery!"

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

"You're not sleeping on the couch," Kippei grumbled, holding him tighter. The whole point, or at least half the point, was to sleep with Shinji, and it really defeated the purpose to have him sleeping on the couch. And yeah, it was a very nice couch, but Kippei wasn't entirely sure why Shinji liked it so much.

He looked down, a little startled, at the mention of making things in bed--the fact that Shinji took his projects to bed with him shouldn't really surprise him as much as it did.

"Messy?" he asked, curious now to see what Shinji's bed looked like. He wasn't entirely sure he'd mind if Shinji did bring his work to bed sometimes--Shinji was sexy when he was working. But it couldn't be very comfortable to sleep with engine parts in the bed.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

"Uh...wel...its greasy you know? And it makes a mess, and sometimes I just kinda crash and wake up hugging something like a teddy that just isnt soft and I regret it for days, but um...that's embarassing and I dont know why I told you that." It was funny though, thinking about being able to wake up with Kippei instead of a circuit board. Funny and damn cool.

"Mmm...I wont sleep on the couch," Shinji agreed, eyeing his own couch a little distastefully, since he already knew how damn uncomfortable it was to sleep on. "I'll sleep on you."

[flamesword.livejournal.com]

Kippei was smiling to himself, listening as he ran his fingers through Shinji's hair. He could just imagine Shinji waking up hugging something like that, probably with grease still streaking his hands and face, and it was oddly... cute. If he ever saw Shinji like that, he'd want to kiss him--not that this was much different from the usual.

"So what else do you have to do first?" he asked, and his voice was still soft and rumbly with amusement. It wasn't exactly late enough to go to bed, and if Shinji wanted to unpack or clean or something Kippei could try to help with that, but they'd spent an awful lot of time lately just laying on Shinji's bed at Inanna's, and he'd really rather just do that here, in Shinji's own bed.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

"Well..." Shinji thought about it, but other than pack, which could be done easily enough in the morning, as long as Kippei didn't have that much of an early start, or Shinji could even come back during the day to get anything he wanted, there wasn't really anything that had to be done. "...nothing, I guess. "First...before what?"

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

new comment...

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Kippei looked amused, and kissed him again, more slowly, taking his time exploring Shinji's mouth. God, he could get used to that.

"Before you come show me this mess of yours," he answered, pulling away with a bit of smugness coloring his smile, and his voice was low and husky from kissing, coming out a little more suggestive than he'd intended--not that he particularly minded.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

Before he took Kippei to bed with him. Well, that shouldn't come after anything in Shinji's opinion, but he waited anyway, kissing Kippei back until he was mildly satisfied, though he thought he would always want more from Kippei, and then he got up, snatching up Kippei's hand and pulling him toward the adjoining room, looking over his shoulder a few times to make sure he wasnt going to trip on anything, but it wasn't too bad. The bed itself was neat and tidy, and there were only a few dismantled fans along one wall; a mess, yes, but not a bad one at all.

"Hmm...my bedroom."

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Kippei noted that once again he was letting Shinji lead him around by the hand, but this time he held on, linking their fingers and wondering at the way Shinji made it, made everything seem so easy. The room wasn't really that much of a mess, and he smiled faintly. It looked pretty comfortable too. He pushed Shinji backward, onto the bed, and leaned over him, planting one hand on either side of his head.

"Not bad at all, Ibu Shinji," he murmured, kissing him soundly. "You know what I like about it?" He leaned in again without waiting for an answer, dropping little kisses all over Shinji's face and nuzzling his temple.

"It's yours," he whispered in Shinji's ear, answering his own question as he propped one knee on the bed, giving him better leverage to lean up and nibble on Shinji's ear, sucking lightly and licking a trail with his tongue down the side of Shinji's neck.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

He was on his bed. And Tachibana Kippei was on his bed too. How many times had he had this dream now? Only this time it was real and that reality was more surreal than any dream Shinji had ever had. Shinji had no idea what Kippei liked about his room, but he damn well was glad there was something...and then he was surprised, and a little amused, and yet he was also horny as all hell and it was all Kippei's fault for sucking on his ear like that, and the things his tongue was doing to his neck. Shinji tangled his own hands in Kippei's shirt and yanked hard, pulling him on to the bed and rolling, coming up straddling him, pinning Kippei to the bed.

"You're right." He smirked, a wide michievous thing that was echoed by the glint in his eyes. "It is my bed...and I know it very very well." He set about doing what Kippei had done to him; turning the man on beyond all relief with little kisses and nips and sucks that left dark marks all along Kippei's throat.

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Kippei groaned, half because that felt really damn good, and half in disbelief because he knew Shinji was leaving marks everywhere.

"Shinji, what are you doing?" he protested, or tried to protest, but he wasn't all that sure the words were even intelligible. Shinji was sitting on top of him and smirking and looking at him like that, and even before that sexy mouth went to work he was the hottest thing ever.

"God," he muttered, giving up, and he tugged Shinji's head up with a careful hand in his hair to distract him with a kiss, or at least that was the original intent, but as soon as Shinji's lips touched his it became fierce and hungry and desperate, less about a distraction and more about simply feeling and tasting and having as much of Shinji as he could in whatever way Shinji would let him.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

Shinji thought it was rather obvious what he was doing, but he also supposed Kippei had a point and that this amount of hickey's was going to look rather odd in the Collective, but he didn't stop until he had finished that particular mark, then he let Kippei kiss him back, moaning into it because it was so damn consuming. He was sure his room had never felt this hot before; he had never wanted something so much as he wanted Kippei.

"I'm not God," Shinji muttered at last, panting a little for breath, wondering if it was always going to be so intense with Kippei and figuring that was a stupid thought since the Ambassador was always intense. "Mmm...but it would be fun to be your god. But I think her name is Sada.." He chuckled, remembering how simply Kippei had given in to her desire to dress the man, and how much he let her get away with. It was cute really, now that he didn't feel like he had to battle for anything from him.

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Kippei shook his head, not really getting it, but whatever Shinji said. "I don't believe in god," he told Shinji dryly, a little short of breath himself. But maybe there is one, because I don't have any other explanation for you.

His hands were restless, wandering up and down Shinji's back, tracing his spine and shoulder blades and back down to his waist, sliding up under his shirt because he couldn't get close enough. Shinji had apparently done a wonderful job of turning him on, not that Kippei was surprised by this at all, and his whole body ached with wanting and needing and that desperate hunger that he'd never felt before he met Shinji. He'd never wanted anyone like this in his life, he hadn't known that people felt like this. It was strong and deep and wild and a little bit insane.

"You make me crazy," he breathed, leaning up to lick at Shinji's throat and deciding to make a few marks of his own. Licking, sucking, scraping his teeth over Shinji's pulse and sucking harder, leaving little bite marks and bruises and damn, Shinji was fucking hot.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

"Good," Shinji hissed, clenching his eyes closed and damning Kippei's tongue to hell where it belonged. And his teeth while he was at it. For someone who claimed so little experience in the field, Kippei sure knew what he was doing. Or maybe Shinji was just easy, though Shinji really didn't think that was it. Shinji was a little desperate for something more, not necessarily sex but skin and warmth and touching and he pushed at Kippei's shirt, deft fingers attacking buttons and getting them undone so his fingers could stroke the long stretches of warm skin underneath. Shinji opened his eyes and took in the view; Kippei's chest and god...there was no man alive who was sexier, not to Shinji.

"You drive me insane."

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

"Then we're even." Kippei was slightly uncomfortable with the way Shinji was looking at him; he couldn't remember anyone ever just looking, like that, like they wanted to eat him alive or something. Like he was all their fantasies brought to life. It was a little bit unnerving, because he just didn't think of himself that way, but it was pretty flattering too. Embarrassing, but cool.

Still, he only waited a minute or two before he reversed their positions, flipping Shinji over on his back and attacking his shirt in turn, although he had considerably more trouble with the buttons than Shinji had. He growled at them, tugging sharply, and one or two came undone but the rest of them continued mocking him until he finally just pushed the entire shirt up and pulled it over Shinji's head.

"Heh." Smirking, he smoothed the flat of his hand over Shinji's chest and stomach, and it shot sparks along all his nerve endings, heat flaring through him from his fingertips and his arm down his spine to his groin, and he couldn't restrain a slight shiver. Just being able to touch, to look, was enough to shake him right to the core.

Maybe he couldn't handle this, this much, whatever it was inside of him. Chaotic, intense, need and aching wonder. Shinji was perfect, and just... beautiful, if that was the word, but it was the only one that fit. So beautiful it hurt just to look at him.

Kippei had always thought the only thing that incredible was the sky full of stars.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

Kippei shivered, and Shinji blinked, wondering why he was shivering when it had to be impossible to be cold right now, and how the hell he got on his back, not that he really cared since Kippei had made short work of his shirt, and now there was skin on skin and it was even warmer. There was an odd look on Kippei's face, suddenly uncertain and a little incredulous. Shinji just reached up, wrapped his arms around Kippei's neck and pulled him close, kissing him gently in the middle of his forehead.

"It's okay. It'll be okay." Because Shinji would damn well make sure it was okay. He wasn't stupid; for Kippei to have spent this long pushing him away that hard, and then that look on his face in the hospital and the way he held his hand...No, Shinji would make sure he didn't screw this up. Not that it would be hard when Kippei looked like that...all that yummy skin and muscle and no wonder they let him be Ambassador. Shinji would have voted, if anyone had asked his opinion.

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Kippei sighed, a shaky breath of almost laughter, and hid his face against Shinji's neck, holding him tight and wrapping himself around him as much as he could. Okay? Yeah, it was okay, it was better than okay. It was awesome, amazing, terrifying and wonderful and strange and he never wanted it to end, ever. He'd given everything up for this, and god, it was worth it, but he couldn't stand to lose it. Losing Shinji... he could hardly even think it. It wouldn't be as simple as having gained something and lost the same thing and leaving him to go on the same as he'd been before. It would break him apart and he'd have nothing left.

He wanted to say, I need you, but that was obvious; I'd do anything for you, but he had a feeling that it wouldn't mean that much to Shinji; all he had left was I love you, and he didn't know how to say it. He'd never said that to anyone, ever. His throat was too tight to say any of that, anyway, so he pressed a scorching kiss to Shinji's shoulder and managed a single word in harsh whisper. Yours.

[teagoblin.livejournal.com]

Shinji's breath caught and he couldn't feel anything for a moment except the heat where Kippei kissed his shoulder. He hummed an affirmative and stroked his fingers through Kippei's hair, just enjoying being able to hold him and feel the weight of Kippei against him. He wondered if there would always be time, to just lie like this, but he doubted it, which made it more special now. Kippei wanted to say things, even if he didn't know how, but he said them better because of that. Kippei made Shinji feel like he was the middle of something; like he was the center of it and it was the first time anyone had made him feel that, so it wasn't at all hard to smile and kiss his temple and lean down so his lips brushed Kippei's ear, the soft murmered words barely voiced.

"I love you."