xp log - kippei and shinji

[shattermelt]

Shinji wasn't blue anymore. At first, Kippei felt a bit guilty for being a little sorry about this, and then, as Shinji got more tense and restless by the day, he stopped feeling guilty but also stopped enjoying the idea quite so much, because it really sucked for Shinji all the way around. It was hard to appreciate any part of a situation that made your boyfriend miserable. At least while he'd been burnt out Shinji didn't have to worry about hearing too much, but now that the quiet room was under construction to repair the damage from Ryuhana's attack, he didn't have a place to go to get that bit of relief now that his powers were back.

Kippei didn't know what it was like to have to hear everything all the time, but it seemed to make Shinji tense and unhappy, and that was definitely bad.

"Come here," Kippei told him, holding out his hand. He'd been stretched out on the bed, attempting to read, but that wasn't working so well. He kept getting distracted by the restlessness and general air of moodiness that Shinji was wearing lately. Distraction time. Except distracting him was getting less and less effective, and Kippei was a little worried. Okay, more than a little.

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[ayretala.livejournal.com]

Shinji glanced over at Kippei slowly, distracted by the constant feed of absolute nonsense. It was better though, being awake, and it was giving him insomnia. When he dreamt he couldn't tell anymore who was thinking what; it was just a constant noise that he felt stretched through, tiny little threads of himself stuck in thousands of minds. He never knew when he was going to wake up and that wasn't good enough, so he avoided sleep. But it made him tired, and distracted, and he was worrying Kippei. That, more than anything, aggrevated Shinji; that he was making Kippei worry. Shinji shouldn't have to worry about him.

"No....you have to come here." To his bed, because it was made for him, and it didn't even begin to compare to the quiet room, but at least it was made from the same metals. At least it lessened it all.

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Kippei suppressed the urge to kick himself mentally for not thinking of that and simply laid the book down, rolled over and got up without comment. Of course that was why Shinji was spending so much time curled up on his own bed with Kii, although even the kitten didn't seem to be doing much to improve his mood.

Kippei crossed the small space between the two beds and sat down, reaching for Shinji's hand even as he slid in behind him and wrapped around him like a big lazy cat or something--not that he was making that comparison. He nuzzled against Shinji's shoulder, pulling him closer and he couldn't help smiling a bit, because it was Shinji and he felt good and smelled good and Kippei liked holding him.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

It felt incredibly good, having Kippei there. Shinji relaxed a little, turning so he could burrow in against Kippei, squirming his way into Kippei's lap while he reached out absently and pet Kii. He loved his cat, now moreso than ever. He could sneak into the cat's head easily, the flow of thought between them now like breathing, and it was only a tiny thread of familiarity, but it was still a relief. Kippei did the same thing.

"I'm sorry. Im not much fun." The words were muffled in Kippei's shirt, glum and more than a little miserable. "Kippei..." Shinji inhaled deeply, trying to get away from his own head while he snuck in closer, as close as was possible to Kippei. "Can we go away now?"

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Kippei hummed a sound that might have been an affirmative against his hair, stroking it with the hand that wasn't wrapped firmly around Shinji's waist and pulling it aside as he leaned down to kiss the back of Shinji's neck.

"I told you we could," he agreed, both hands shifting to rub soothingly up and down Shinji's back. "You still want to go camping? We can go for a few days without anybody missing us much, I think." He was fairly certain no one would miss him, and it didn't concern him really, but Shinji had friends that would probably notice.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

"I dont care where we go," Shinji muttered darkly. "Just no people. I dont like people. People are stupid." He felt something nudging his thigh. "And I wanna take Kii." He wanted the cat, and Kippei, and a whole lot of nothing. His hands snuck under Kippei's shirt and was almost tempted to crawl under it completely, but he knew the shirt wouldn't block out anything and settled for wrapping his hands in it and inhaling the familiar scent clinging to the material.

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Kippei chuckled, not having an argument with this sentiment, but he shot a dubious look at the cat. "I suppose we have to take him or else find someone to look after him," he agreed, with just a tiny bit of reluctance. He could have Shinji all to himself, completely, for days and he didn't want to share at all, but he reminded himself that it was way, way beneath his dignity to be jealous of a cat. Even if it was a really cute cat and Shinji spent all his time petting it and playing with it.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

"We're taking the cat," Shinji demanded darkly, glaring at Kippei. "Stop being jealous of Kii, I'll pet you all you want too..." And he proved it by sneaking up Kippei's body, wrapping his arms around his neck and kissing him, hard and long, a smile sneaking over his face at the familiar taste and texture. "You're just like Kii...only bigger. And sexier. And yummier."

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

It was a good thing Shinji kissed the hell out of him before he said that, since it meant Kippei was sufficiently distracted not to go what the fuck? and ask where the hell Shinji got that idea and did he know how incredibly disturbing that whole idea was?

As it was the vague sense of weirdness only hovered at the back of his mind while he decided that doing a damn good job of kissing Shinji back was more important than thinking or talking. Especially not about adjectives like sexy and yummy in the same sentence as the cat; it wasn't like Shinji really meant it that way, anyway.

"Good," he murmured, though it was less an answer to Shinji's comment and more an assessment of his current occupation. Kissing Shinji was always so damn good.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

Shinji startled himself by laughing, delighted by the odd path of Kippei's thoughts. Kippei was always distracting, a fact Shinji found incredibly relieving, now moreso than ever. He gave in for a moment, just kissing Kippei and enjoying it, letting it take as much of his attention as possible.

"You gonna pack for me?" He asked at last with a smirk. One, he had no intention of getting off the bed until he absolutely had to. And two, he was curious what Kippei would choose to stick him in...though he was a little nervous he might end up going camping naked.

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

"Already did," Kippei told him, smirking right back. As a matter of fact he'd done it days ago, even before Shinji had gotten his powers back. He'd been pretty sure Shinji would want to get out of here sooner or later, and probably wouldn't want to waste time about it when he did, so Kippei had packed a bag for each of them and another with camping type food and a few other things they'd need, and stashed them in closet so they could just leave whenever Shinji wanted to.

Also, this way he got to make sure that Shinji had appropriate clothing for the trip, including some of his tougher pairs of denims and several jumpers for cold nights. And decent shoes, though Kippei had had some trouble finding what seemed to be the only pair of anything approximating good walking/climbing/hiking shoes that Shinji owned--which was very approximate indeed, but they were better than what he usually wore, and he'd need them for the place Kippei had in mind to go.

"It's a long walk," he warned Shinji, "and we'll have to do some climbing, but I promise it's worth it."

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

"You...you packed already?" Shinji just say there, blinking at him. Wow. Now see, that was cool. He had known; had already packed for them both, and packed food to boot. Kippei was...amazing. He broke out in a sunny grin, latching onto Kippei and kissing him hard, fast, delighted.

"I dont care I can walk with you, and climb and it's fine, just take me now. I want to go now." Shinji let go of Kippei and grabbed Kii, looking around for a bag, finding a spare backpack and snatching it up off the floor and telling Kii to be good while he shoved him in. Maybe not the best solution...hmm...he grabbed the small cat blanket and put that in too, satisfied when Kii grumpily burrowed into it and settled down.

"Did you pack cat food?"

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Kippei gave him a sardonic look, raising one eyebrow from his place on the bed. "No." He'd actually been kind of hoping that they could leave the kitten with one of Shinji's friends for the few days they'd be gone, but he'd known that was a pretty long shot. Still, he couldn't quite bring himself to plan on the cat coming, like it was inevitable, so he hadn't. "But I did leave space in your pack for it, in case you wanted to take him."

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

"Oh...cool." Shinji reached under the bed and grabbed a few tins of cat food; enough to cover a week if they were really desperate, and shoved as many as he could in under the blanket and Kii. He held the remaining few tags a little nervously, but excited and looked at Kippei expectantly.

"So...where are the bags? You thought something about the closet? Why did you stash it all in the closet? If I was looking at it I woulda asked to go sooner."

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Kippei looked amused, if slightly apologetic. "If you'd been looking at it you would have wanted to go right away, and it wouldn't have done you as much good then. I wanted to wait until you really needed it--it's still going to be a week or two before the quiet room is repaired."

He stood finally and went over to retrieve the bags from the closet, handing Shinji his with a faint smirk. "Change your shoes," he advised, grabbing the sturdier looking ones he'd set beside the bags and handing them over in turn, then reaching for his own boots so he could change too.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

"Shoes?" Shinji took them and stared at them for a long time. "I own these?" He cocked his head, eyeing them closely. He vaguely remembered...something...when he had needed shoes, that he hadn't needed ever again, just like he had told his parents he wouldn't. Still, if they were walking Shinji supposed Kippei was right and these would be better, so he kicked off his canvas sneakers and pulled on the vaguely bootish shoes, sitting back down on the bed to reassure Kii that it was okay, and watch Kippei change his shoes. He pushed the remaining cat tins into the top of his bag and made sure everything was done up, frowning, because even being this far off the bed wasn't helping at all.

"Hurry up, I wanna go." And Kippei was right; it wouldn't have done any good to have left earlier. Now was the right time, and it was reassuring, to know Kippei had known.

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Kippei straightened, grinning as he shouldered his backpack and grabbed the other pack containing the necessary things like food and utensils and matches and a medkit just in case, and a couple of blankets. Just the basic things.

"Ready when you are," he announced, waiting for Shinji to get his pack, wondering absently how he was going to carry the cat, too. Wearing two backpacks at once didn't generally work all that well.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

Shinji stared, wide-eyed, at Kippei's two huge backpacks and felt a little guilty, but figured Kippei knew what he could handle. He looked at his own two bags and grinned, pulling his bag of clothes and the like onto his back, then putting Kii in his bag the other way around, against his front where he could cuddle the cat in its bag. He could see one lazy eye peeking out and hear a faint purr and he leant over to nuzzle a little, then stood and reached out, grabbing Kippei's hand.

"So, where are we going? You said we had to climb. Are there mountains?"

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

"There are," Kippei nodded as they left the room and headed out of the building. Small mountains, just foothills really, but they were mountains. Not heavy duty climbing, the kind you needed a rope for, but definite hiking climbing, where the trail went up and up and wound around trees and rocks and streams until you thought it was never going to end. Just the kind he loved, though he wasn't so sure that Shinji would enjoy it.

The actual getting there part was easier though, since he could make Shinji lighter and he shouldn't have any trouble with getting too tired walking. The reason he'd insisted on the change of shoes was that they'd be spending several days up there, and he didn't want to worry about Shinji losing his footing or falling or anything else drastic happening while they were there.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

Mmm...it sounded nice, the way Kippei thought about it, and he wasn't going to get tired which was a relief. He was already dead tired, the last thing he needed was to have to actually walk that far carrying two packs that were kind of heavy, but they were fine for now. He squeezed the fingers in his and skipped a step to catch up to Kippei, passing Yuushi's door and feeling a little guilty for not leaving a note, but Yuushi hadn't been there the last three times Shinji went to visit and he hadn't heard much from him either, so maybe Yuushi wouldn't really mind the oversight. Then they were outside and he really couldn't think about it, fingers tightening wildly around Kippei's as nothing stood between him and way too many brainwaves.

"Kippei..." he whimpered a little, clenching his eyes shut and moving closer. "Fly. Can we fly? Can we go fast?"

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Kippei shot him a worried look and hesitated; they'd only practiced that once, and not over any very great distance, and.... Shinji looked very miserable.

"Yeah," he said softly, with a little half smile as he cut their gravity and pushed away from the ground, holding Shinji's hand and taking them straight up, high above the school. Easy. The next part, maybe not.

"Ready?" he asked unnecessarily, and somewhat absently, focusing as far ahead of them as he could and testing this 'flying' thing. He didn't know about fast, and it would be tricky to keep moving his focus farther ahead as they went. At least it was good practice.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

Oh thank god, they were flying. Shinji clung to Kippei with one arm while his other wrapped tight around the backpack on his chest with Kii in it. And the voices were softer, fading. Shinji sighed in relief and a recently rare smile turned up the corners of his mouth.

"Kippei is so cool, isnt he Kii?" He stroked Kii mentally and closed his eyes, feeling sleepy and relieved, as if someone had stopped hammering at his head with a mallet.

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Kippei glanced over at Shinji once or twice, keeping an eye on him, but he looked fine, if sleepy, so he turned his full concentration on trying to keep their fall smooth and even as he kept changing the point they were falling to, farther and farther 'down' even though he knew it was ahead of them. He didn't bother telling Shinji that he didn't really have to hang on, because the field would catch him and pull him along anyway, but Kippei liked it when he did.

This way of travel was faster than walking, because they could go in a straight line. He took them all the way to the beginning of the trail that led up into the mountains, and then dropped them carefully at the head of it; he wasn't sure he could find the spot he was heading for from the air, and he was looking forward to walking this trail again--he hadn't been here for awhile.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

The ground came up and Shinji opened his eyes with a lazy smile as his feet touched the earth. He settled his bags again and checked Kii was okay, then squeezed Kippei's fingers again.

"It's quiet here. It's really quiet..." He marvelled at that small fact, reaching out and hearing only a muffled gibberish of wild animals and laughter creapt out of his throat. He reached up and kissed his cheek. "Thank you, beautiful."

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Kippei muttered something that wasn't really words, shaking his head and trying to ignore the rising heat in his face. He wasn't going to object, he never did, but it was still the weirdest thing when Shinji called him that.

"You're welcome," he managed finally, shaking off his disconcertion, and the lingering disorientation from turning the world on it's edge again when down became sideways and sideways was down as his focus shifted back into alignment with Earth gravity.

He looked around, smiling a little in appreciation. This mountain was mostly forested, up to the timberline, and the trail led through it, shady and cool and green with the occasional stream or rocky patch. This was beautiful.

"Come on," he said, his smile growing wider in anticipation as he looked sideways at Shinji. "Let's go."

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

Shinji looked around and took a moment to just let it soak in. They were in the woods...on a mountain. It was green, and there were trees, and the air was clean and empty somehow and it was pretty and perfect. Shinji took a step forward, then another, tugging Kippei forward with him while he started to enjoy himself. This was just what he wanted. Just what he needed. And he got to have it, and be alone with Kippei and Kii, and that was just the best thing ever.

"Yeah."

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

The smile lingered at the corner of Kippei's mouth as he followed Shinji up the trail; absently, he amused himself by making Shinji a little bit lighter with every step, so that it would seem like he was losing gravity as he walked up. He didn't bother doing the same for himself--he liked the feeling of working at it, the effort of climbing against the pull of natural gravity. It was sure and grounded and steady, an ever constant mass beneath him.

The air smelled clean and fresh, woodsy and earthy and a little bit damp, as if it had rained recently. The moisture in the air increased the further they went into the woods, but Kippei knew it wasn't from the rain. It wasn't a terribly long hike, about an hour, and gradually he picked up the faint roaring noise in the distance, and smiled to himself as he waited for Shinji to notice.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

Shinji kept looking over his shoulder, to make sure he was going the right way, but also because he suspected Kippei was using his powers on him, which was nice because Shinji was pretty sure he would be panting like a dog by now. This wasn't exactly an easy walk, but Kippei seemed to be enjoying himself, so Shinji stopped worrying and just enjoyed it too.

"It smells nice here," he murmered softly. "And its cooler." A lot cooler than at ground level. "It's cleaner." No pollution. It was a relief Shinji hadn't known he wanted and it made him smile and lean in to Kippei a little, though he was careful not to unbalance him. Then he started to notice a weird sound and looked around, curious.

"Kippei...is that?"

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

"Hmm?" Kippei asked him vaguely, as if he hadn't heard it. "Is what what?" Inside he was grinning, but he was careful not to think of anything at all. He'd done pretty well at that so far. Surprising Shinji was hard work.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

Maybe it wasn't? Kippei didn't seem to hear anything at all but Shinji was sure he could. He kept walking and it faded in and out but it was definately getting closer, and the area was getting wetter. Shinji kept looking over his shoulder, waiting for Kippei to slip up and think about it but he was being stubborn. Still, the closer they got the more obvious it was and Shinji's smile turned into a wild grin as he finally turned and wrapped his arms around Kippei excitedly.

"It IS! Where is it? Is that where we're going? How much farther? It cant be that far coz its really loud here. Can we drink from it? Is it a big one? Can we swim under it? Can we jump off it?" He suddenly had a thousand questions.

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Kippei laughed out loud, and kissed him firmly, stopping all his questions for the moment.

"That's where we're going," he admitted. "Pretty close now... and yeah, it's fairly big. Not huge, but it's as big as you're going to find around here. The river is small, but it's definitely not a stream. We can probably drink from the river at the top--it comes down from a mountain spring. And we can swim and jump and whatever else you want, but we're going to the top first, or almost the top. We have a bit more climbing to do." And he grinned, smugly, and didn't say anything else no matter what Shinji asked.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

Shinji asked more questions. It took his a good ten minutes to realise Kippei really wasn't going to cave and tell him anything and he spent ten minutes more pretending to sulk before suddenly the treeline gave way and there was the little river, with a green bank and rocks and little rapids and it was perfect. He just stopped completely and stared, stunned.

"Kippei..." Oh jeez, his boyfriend was perfect. Just fucking fantastic! He leapt forward, jumping on Kippei and letting out a delighted speil of laughter while he took it all in, that Kippei had known and brought him here and they got to stay here for weeks if they had to, and then he realised that squirmy wasn't his stomach and leapt off again, sticking his head in the bag apologetically at a very pissy Kii.

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Kippei looked very amused, and not incidentally very pleased with himself, as he caught Shinji and absorbed his enthusiasm; it was a little premature, but Shinji didn't know that, and it was still gratifying.

"We're going down now," he informed Shinji with a mysterious gleam in his dark eyes, tilting his head toward an almost hidden little pathway that went down from the top of the small cliff face. "Watch your step." He went first, but he kept his senses tuned for Shinji's balance, ready to catch him if he tripped. This path was small and rocky and narrow, winding down around beside the falls where it cut deeply into the earth. The path dead-ended in the rock, apparently, right beside the falling water, close enough to reach out and touch--but at the end Kippei turned sharply right, away from the spray at his back.

There was a little place in here, not quite exactly behind the falls, but almost. A cave that wasn't really a cave, not in the high and rocky sense, but a small earthen cleft that went deep into the mountainside, far enough that the back of it was dry and warm. The waterfall roared past beside the entrance, hiding it from view, and from the inside it did look like they were behind the water.

Kippei turned around some way inside and stood with his arms folded, trying not to let his grin break his face but unable to avoid looking smug as Shinji cautiously made his way in after him.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

Bloody. Hell. Shinji just stared, creeping around the corner and into the cave and it was perfect and no one would see them, even if there were people to see and the water drowned out everything. It was just Kippei, and Kii and himself and it was so damn perfect Shinji wanted to cry. Instead, he dumped his bags with an apologetic thought to Kii and raced forward, tackling Kippei and knocking the smug bastard to the floor. They were going to live here, together, and sure it was just for a little bit but that wasn't the point. This was home, and it was perfect and Kippei found it and that was all that mattered.

I love you So. Damn. Much and its perfect and you know it and we get to stay in here and we can leap straight out there and float in the fall and there's a pond at the bottom right? Is it deep enough to dive? It's not even wet in here...the water goes the other way, that's so cool.

He didn't use words, because his mouth was very, very busy.

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Kippei barely had time to drop his own bags before Shinji tackled him to the sandy floor, and he was grinning like a lunatic but it got smothered in kisses before it actually did break his face. Deep hot kisses and there were words in his head, Shinji words, and Kippei held him tight and kissed him back with hungry joyful fire, because it was perfect and he felt so good he wondered if it was possible to die of it.

I love you more, and the thought held a teasing edge, because it wasn't a competition and not something they could measure anyway, and he was pretty sure it was impossible for either of them to love each other more, but maybe what he really meant was 'more than anything, more than everything, more than forever.' Always more.