xp log: shinji and kippei

[shattermelt]

It was still dark out, and Kippei wasn't entirely sure it was morning yet, but he'd been sleeping and now he was awake, so it might as well be. Which didn't mean he was ready to move yet, because Shinji was still curled up against him and maybe he hadn't worn Kippei out but he had sure tried, and Kippei did not at all feel like moving. Or disturbing Shinji, who was burrowed against him and warm and that was good, so Kippei settled his arms more comfortably around him and smiled to himself in the darkness--a rather sleepy smile, but he wasn't ready to go back to sleep either. This was nice.

Shinji was blue. And Kippei was in a very good position to know that he was blue everywhere. He grinned a bit, closing his eyes and burying his face in Shinji's hair. That was so cool.

There was a buzzing. There had been a buzzing for days now; his powers making a slow recovery, at about the same pace Shinji was turning back to a normal colour, which wasnt fast enough for Shinji. He wanted his powers back and to be a normal colour and for the buzzing to stop. But, for now it was sort of nice that Kippei didn't seem to care at all, and it was nice and warm and the sun wasnt up yet and people were asleep so the buzzing was soft. Or it had been. Shinji frowned and cuddled tighter against Kippei.

"Shhh, sleeping," he muttered sleepily.

Kippei grinned wider, a slow, lazy grin that wasn't really sleepy at all anymore. He was slightly sorry that he'd woken Shinji, and murmured a soft apology to that effect. But only slightly. And since Shinji was already awake, he let himself run a slow, soothing hand down Shinji's back, feeling the muscles shift beneath the smooth skin as Shinji buried himself deeper. Mmm, god, yeah.

Some days, he wished that had the words to express how perfect Shinji was for him, and how incredibly glad he was to have him here, like this. To have this. Everything that Shinji was to him, which was... well, everything. He couldn't imagine how he'd lived so long without it.

"Shhhh," Shinji grumbled more determinately. "Stop thinking stuff, you're like a bee." Annoying little bee. Not so little bee. Whatever. Shinji wriggled around a little uncomfortably, trying to crawl closer to Kippei, almost pushing under him before he was satisfied he couldn't get any closer.

"You're all warm and yummy, I like it." Shinji licked at the hot skin of Kippei's chest with an appreciative hum.

Chuckling, Kippei lifted his hand to wrap around the back of Shinji's neck, massaging gently through his hair. Warm and yummy was just about right, he thought. He felt like he'd been melted and poured out and still entirely, thoroughly sated.

"Happy Valentines Day," he said, quiet rumbling words that he hadn't said yesterday, so he might as well say it today, since it was the aftermath of yesterday--right? Something like that. He was feeling too good to think about it very hard.

Shinji frowned and pinched Kippei's side, but he was still half asleep so it wasn't hard at all, more a press off fingers together than a pinch, which just annoyed him a little more. Grumbling, Shinji leant in to the hand at his neck while he leant down and pulled the blanket closer.

"That was yesterday. Quiet today. Quiet's good. Quiet's like sleeping, but I can be sort of awake and know that its warm and yummy and Im with you, but its still like sleeping and stuff, so its good."

"Mmm," Kippei answered, holding in his laughter. God, Shinji was just cute sometimes. "Quiet," he murmured in agreement, nuzzling Shinji's hair and kissing languidly at his shoulder, since that was about all of him that could be reached at the moment. His free hand came to rest in the small of Shinji's back, stroking there in small, lazy back and forth movements with his thumb.

"I told you you were sexy when you're blue," he whispered, and no doubt the smirk showed in his voice, but he didn't care.

"Mmm...you're just a weirdo who likes smurfy popsicles," Shinji mumbled, but he smiled, sensing the smirk in Kippei's voice and running his fingertips teasingly across Kippei's stomach. "You're sexy all the time." Which was hellishly true, as he had found out yesterday when Kippei had finally tracked him down and dragged him back here and...well, Shinji had been sure he was stubborn enough to say no, too embarassed about being blue. But Kippei won when it came to stubborn, which was a damn good thing. "I love you."

"Hey," Kippei protested, Shinji was deliberately misinterpreting his words. "You're sexy all the time too, it's just really cool that you're blue." He didn't bother reiterating that smurfs and popsicles had nothing whatsoever to do with it. Personally, he didn't see the connection at all.

Shinji was still Shinji, still slim and hard and lovely and perfectly shaped in all the right places, but blue, like... like a water sprite or something, that was what he made Kippei think of. Something otherworldly and exotic and waterborn, all of which Shinji often reminded him of anyway, but this somehow made it more obvious and it was insanely sexy cool.

He made a soft sound of reluctant appreciation at the teasing touch of Shinji's fingers, torn between further grumbling about Shinji's lack of understanding for how hot the blueness was, and relaxing back into the warm contentment that surrounded them.

The contentment won, because really. Melted here. The answering words were soft, as if the preceeding objection had used up all his energy. "I love you too."

Comments

[teagoblin.livejournal.com]

"You better love me," Shinji noted grumpily. "Because you killed my arse, idiot. I'm not going to class today. And you're not either. You can stay here for being such a pain in the bum. And you can get me ice cream for breakfast when the sun comes up because...because ice cream is nice and I want some.Just not blue ice cream. I dont want anything else blue." No matter what Kippei said, Shinji felt hellishly weird walking around blue and not knowing what people were thinking about him. Except Shishido, because he told him he looked weird. "Shishido should keep his mouth shut. He's the one with big bird wings sticking out of his back, even if they are pretty and look like angel wings."

[flamesword.livejournal.com]

Kippei laughed, full and deep throated and rolled slightly onto his back, looking up at the ceiling with a faint, satisfied grin as he stroked Shinji's hair.

"You can have ice cream," he agreed, or pretty much anything else he wanted. "It doesn't have to be blue."

He frowned slightly. "And yes, Wings should keep his mouth shut." Kippei wasn't all that happy about his comments to Shinji, although he'd refrained from growling at Shishido for the most part. The winged boy really was something of a scatterbrain, flighty and short tempered and oblivious, but he was still a team member and Kippei rather liked him when he wasn't saying dumb things to Shinji.

So he'd restrained himself, other than his pointed comments about the flirting. Kippei snorted at the thought. He didn't care what Shishido wanted to call it, that had been flirting.

[teagoblin.livejournal.com]

He could have ice cream. And Kippei would get it for him. Shinji smiled brightly against Kippei's stomach, leaning across to flop across him now that he was on his back and Shinji could sneak under the sheets where it was darker and warmer and just perfect. He had the best boyfriend ever.

"Mmm but he should talk less and do more, because Ohtori might end up kissing Blackguard otherwise...how come you went and saw blackguard without me? I havent met him but everyone else has...I wanna know who he is and why he's so important."

[flamesword.livejournal.com]

Kippei frowned a little more, but vaguely, considering his answer as he let his hands wander over Shinji's conveniently positioned bare back and arms.

"I didn't want you to know," he said at length, the simplest and most direct answer, if not the most explanatory. Anyone kissing Blackguard was a rather disturbing image, he noted in passing, but Shinji must have good reason for thinking that Ohtori might do that.

[teagoblin.livejournal.com]

"Mmmm....okay." Shinji didnt actually care that Kippei went, he was just a bit jealous that Kippei went to Blackguard to vent instead of coming to him. But that didnt mean Shinji wished he hadnt gone to Blackguard at all; Kippei could go see whoever he wanted.

"Is he smart? He thinks weird. Like...he's always thinking about what to do next, even when what hes meant to be doing now isnt done yet. It's weird. Most people dont think like that."

[flamesword.livejournal.com]

Kippei blinked, a bit bemused by this insight into another person's thought patterns. He supposed that was the kind of thing Shinji got from everyone, every day, but it was strange to him, to think about how someone else thought.

"He's smart, yeah." Kippei snorted. "Also crazy. But he has a plan, and I don't. I just want to..." he fell silent, shrugging a bit as he realized that Shinji must have heard everything he said to Blackguard already.

"How do most people think?" he asked curiously.

[teagoblin.livejournal.com]

"Like idiots," Shinji snorted, laughing a little against Kippei's belly, though he was really sort of annoyed. He didn't like the way most people thought but he couldnt put his finger on why exactly. Really, it was that they thought at all, and that he had to listen to it. He wished they would shut up; had always wished they would all just shut up.

"They only think about themselves."

[flamesword.livejournal.com]

Kippei tilted his head to look down at him curiously, noting the undercurrent of almost-bitterness and certainly annoyance in the statement.

It made sense, that most people thought about themselves, he figured that you had to think about yourself in order to know what you were doing and saying, right? But that didn't seem to be quite what Shinji meant.

"Do I think that way?" he asked, slightly puzzled, because he'd never thought about how he thought before, but he usually just... well, he often didn't. Huh.

[teagoblin.livejournal.com]

"No," Shinji blushed, tangling his arms tight around Kippei's waist, no mean feat when he had to get one arm under Kippei's waist. "You don't think most of the time, you just do. And when you do think, you think about...me...and stuff..." It was nice, that quiet. The gentle lull of blankness. It was like Kippei's head was empty, but not brainless empty. He just didn't think about things it wasn't necessary to think about. "You're quiet."

[flamesword.livejournal.com]

"Mmmm." Kippei breathed soft laughter and leaned down to kiss the top of Shinji's head. About you. Cuz it's all about you. And he liked it that way.

"So you want to meet him?" he asked warily after a quiet moment. He wasn't at all sure he wanted Shinji to meet Blackguard, or rather, that he wanted Blackguard to meet Shinji.

[teagoblin.livejournal.com]

"Well...if he's going to keep sending you off to off people then yeah I want to meet him, and make sure he understands that I'm going next time, even if its just to watch you kick arse, and that I wanna know where you're going and when and how come I'm not invited and its okay if you dont want me to go, but you should tell me that stuff, because otherwise I'll just get worried or jealous and follow you anyway. If you dont want me to go you should just say yanno Shin, I dont want you to go, and I'll either say okay or too bad, and I dont care if Blackguard says I cant go."

Shinji hmphed loudly and drew little circles on Kippei's thigh.

[flamesword.livejournal.com]

Kippei had to smile, even if it was wry and crooked and only chased the frown away from his lips and not his eyes. God, he loved Shinji so, so much, and only partly because he was stubborn and ornery and he'd just told Kippei that he should tell him things and that even if he did, Shinji might not listen.

He didn't know why it made him smile, why he loved it that Shinji was so upfront about telling him that he was going to do whatever he wanted to do, whether Kippei liked it or not. Telling him that he wasn't always going to just do what Kippei wanted him to, not if he didn't want it to.

He remembered an amused voice telling him, You really don't like it when people just agree with you all the time, do you? You want someone to argue with you. And a sharp look before the softer addition, Somebody who isn't afraid of you.

"Yeah," he agreed quietly. "Okay."

[teagoblin.livejournal.com]

Shinji hummed a happy affirmative, then realised rather belatedly he had no idea what he was agreeing with, or what Kippei was agreeing with for that matter. He blinked in the dark under the sheets and then shrugged because it didnt matter. He reached out, groping around until he found Kippei's hand, dragging it to his lips and nibbling on the knuckles. Kippei had neat hands; long fingers and kind of girly, but they were strong too and a bit bony with hard calluses and they were just cool. And he always smelt like soil...clean, hard earthy soil.

"Does his head really look like a mushroom?" A random thought he had picked up from a girl at some point who liked to perve on the poor bastard.

[flamesword.livejournal.com]

"A mushroom?" Kippei hadn't really thought about it, to be honest, the most striking things about Blackguard were his eyes, and all the bandages. "You mean his hair?" It was short and round and he supposed it could be said that it looked like that. "I guess so," he said doubtfully.

Far more interesting was what Shinji was doing to his fingers, making pleasant sparks and tingles go off in his nerve endings. He made a soft humming noise of appreciation, and then decided that his fingers were getting too much of Shinji's attention and that wasn't fair. He shifted, raising up on one elbow so he could lean down and cover Shinji's mouth with his own, a lazy good morning kiss, and that was much better.

[teagoblin.livejournal.com]

He really looked like a mushroom? Even Kippei said so, so it must be true. Shinji just stared, and then blinked before his eyes slid closed because Kippei was kissing him and it was warm and yummy and god, that was Kippei down to a tee. Shinji tightened his hold on Kippei's fingers, pushing himself up to kiss the warm lips more forcefully, wanting it harder for some reason, needing some kind of reassurance when he couldn't know what Kippei was thinking.

"Tell me," he demanded suddenly. "Tell me what you're thinking."

[flamesword.livejournal.com]

Kippei blinked at the sudden demand, and really, he liked it much better when Shinji could just hear him thinking, and he didn't have to try to put it into words.

"Right now?" he asked. He so wasn't thinking right now, about anything except maybe kissing Shinji again, but maybe Shinji wasn't talking about that. Maybe he meant before that. "When?" Did he want to know more about Blackguard, or what Kippei had been thinking about why he didn't want Shinji to come? Because Kippei wasn't sure he could explain about that.

[teagoblin.livejournal.com]

"Right now stupid...just say whatever, I dont care what it is, just talk and I'll know its what you're thinking because I know how you think, its weird...more quiet somehow and its nice but not really because its not...normal. I like knowing what you think." It was sort of like a drug actually, being inside Kippei's head. It was like being constantly in the eye of the storm and even now, when there was no storm, Shinji wanted to be there.

[flamesword.livejournal.com]

Kippei shook his head. He really liked it better when Shinji had his powers, even if he wasn't blue. He might as well start with that.

"I don't like it when you can't hear me," he muttered, feeling awkward but it was just Shinji and he would have been 'telling' him these things anyway, if he could hear it now. "I like having you in my head. It's easier. I'm not good at... talking stuff." He moved a bit restlessly, laying back down and staring at the ceiling again, his hands finding comfort in the familiar smoothness of Shinji's skin.

"Don't like it," he murmured again.

[teagoblin.livejournal.com]

"Don't like me not being a mutant?" Well, the whole being blue thing was still mutantish, but it wasnt the same. Shinji sighed heavily, stroking Kippei's chest absently, curling up against his side again. "I don't like it at all," he admitted quietly, like it was a secret. "I always hated having my powers, because it was loud and lonely and I hate the headaches and I dont like knowing people dont like me, but...I love them. I don't like not knowing either. I feel stupid and weak and...I guess Im insecure and being stupid, but...no one ever knows what I'm thinking unless I tell them. I feel like I have an advantage, and I dont have that now. Everyone else has the advantage, and to top it off...I'm blue. I dont just act weird now, I look weird. I don't like...not knowing for certain that someone hates me. Or...that you love me."

[flamesword.livejournal.com]

Kippei shuddered slightly, suddenly aching inside with the idea that Shinji would not be certain, maybe never be certain that Kippei loved him if he couldn't hear it. He wrapped both arms tightly around Shinji as he curled up again, holding him tight.

"I don't like that either," he murmured into Shinji's hair, words spilling out of him without conscious decision, still speaking his thoughts aloud as Shinji had asked. "Hate it. When you don't know that. I always want you to know that. It's always true, it'll never not be true, I'd be dead if it wasn't true and I don't like feeling like I'm dead when I'm still right here."

[teagoblin.livejournal.com]

"I want my powers back," Shinji admitted, so quietly he hardly heard himself. "I wouldn't mind being blue, if I had them. But I don't and its like someone's laughing at me and I just can't hear them." He didn't really mind if other people were laughing, but if Kippei was he thought he might die. But Kippei wasn't, he knew that, but he didn't know it, and it wasn't the same. "I really want them back."

[flamesword.livejournal.com]

At a loss for a good answer to that, Kippei rubbed his back in slow, broad circles, comforting himself if not Shinji. "You're getting them back," he offered. "They'll be back in a day or two."

He thought about it some more. "But even if you didn't, you'd still be my Shinji. I'd still love you, even if you didn't know it." For some reason, that hurt to say, but he was thinking it and it was true, so he said it anyway.

[teagoblin.livejournal.com]

Shinji frowned darkly, moving until he could straddle Kippei's hips, a hand on either side of his head, bunched in the pillow and he frowned more because it was getting lighter and he could feel the mild edges of a headache. Overkill. Typical.

"Of course I'm getting them back, but I want them back now," Shinji growled a little, annoyed that he couldn't have what he wanted, which was selfish but his powers were his and he wanted them back now. "Otherwise I'll have to listen to you being all hurt and grumbly for aaages." Shinji would much rather be able to kiss him some more with that cocky grin on his face and try to wear him out some more. And he wouldn't need to worry.

"You're okay, right? I mean...your powers...you're okay?"

[flamesword.livejournal.com]

Kippei smiled and reached up to brush his fingers over Shinji's mouth, tantalizingly close as it was.

"I'm fine, Shin. Everything's okay. I wish I could give them back to you," he added wistfully, and he did, but he knew that only time could help that. "I love you," he added firmly, just in case Shinji needed to hear it again.

And that was certainly enough worrying and thinking for now, out loud or otherwise, so he pulled Shinji down and kissed him, fierce and hard and hot, and that was way better than thinking about anything at all.