reforged sword

Shinji managed to stop screaming and still sat in the corner, huddled and sobbing, head reeling with memories, both his own and Ohtori's and it made no sense to him, his own memories of those things only just starting to surface and he didn't understand who the people in the memories were, or why they were there or what was going on. Just that people were dying.

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Kippei bent over as soon as he got inside, putting down the kitten that was suddenly squirming in his hands. What the hell... okay, so he wasn't cuddly like Shinji, but he wasn't that bad, either. He was frowning faintly, feeling a bit irritated with the kitten, still straightening back up as he heard...

"Shinji?" Fuck, what the bloody hell happened? This again, here, and.... Kippei pushed everything out of his mind and darted across the room to kneel beside Shinji, reaching out carefully to touch where it would, hopefully, not hurt him, slipping an arm around his shoulders and pulling Shinji in against his chest. "What happened?" he murmured. What the hell. He felt stunned, almost blank, but that might be from the emptiness left by pushing all his thoughts and reactions away so firmly.

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Kippei. Kippei was there. It hurt and he couldn't sense anything anymore and he was blue and really that was the last straw.

"Take me out of here, I don't want to be here, take me back to the room, I don't want to be blue again, why did I have to go blue again, and I can't hear anything so its fine we can go, so take me now!"

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It hurt. Yeah. Kippei picked him up silently, kissing the top of his head and cradling Shinji against him as he looked around the room. Various belongings scattered around from the week they'd spent here. He set Shinji down gently on the bed, and quickly packed everything up, tossing it into the bag they'd brought it in. He looked curiously at the tin of cookies, then frowned and stuffed it in on top of everything else.

Then he picked Shinji up again without asking whether he could walk or not, and strode out of the room, leaving it without closing the door behind him.

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Shinji wrapped his arms tight around Kippei's neck and hid hid his face against Kippei's throat. He had no idea what Kippei was thinking, he just wanted to get home, to their room, and lock the damn door.

"Kii...where's Kii?" He looked around, but there was the cat running along beside Kippei and Shinji relaxed a little. Smart kitty.

"Sorry...I did what Ohtori wanted. I didn't think it would hurt that bad."

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"Don't talk," Kippei told him, trying to gentle the words that wanted to come out gritted through his teeth. He wasn't angry with Shinji. But somewhere past the blankness he suspected he was blindingly, white hot angry with someone.

He didn't actually care what had happened at this point. It was enough that it had. He walked quickly, lowering gravity to the point that his steps wouldn't jar Shinji too badly. It was rather unsatisfying, since he wanted to storm through the halls like an avenging angel, but he managed a careful stalk that was as lightfooted as it was absolutely controlled.

He went straight to their room, again not bothering to close the door behind him until he'd gone over to set Shinji down on his own bed. He noted absently that Kii had followed him into the room, and shut the door, a calm, careful click, and then he stood silently by the door for a minute, his hand still resting flat on the doorjamb. Take care of Shinji first. He set his jaw and came back over to Shinji, leaning down to remove his shoes and kneeling in front of him, looking up and studying him carefully. He was blue. He did what Ohtori wanted. Kippei suddenly fiercely hoped that Ohtori was as bad off as Shinji was right now.

"How's your head?" he asked quietly.

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"Hurts," Shinji whispered quietly. "Like its stuffed full of someone else's crap." Which was true, but he wasnt thinking straight enough to realise that. He wiggled his toes absently, relieved when he had socks on. Socks were good and kept your toes warm. Shinji leant forward and wrapped his arms back around Kippei's neck, not wanting to let go again.

"It's quiet."

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"Of course it's quiet," Kippei replied automatically, resting his forehead on Shinji's shoulder and taking his hands, wrapping them in his own. They were blue, which meant Shinji had managed to burn himself out doing whatever it was he had done, and what the fuck did he mean his head was full of someone else's crap?

"Your hands are blue," he whispered, nonsensically stating the obvious because if he thought too closely about anything right now, he was going to lose it in a big way and it was not going to be pretty and more importantly, he was not going to be here, and Shinji needed him.

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Shinji whimpered a little, wanting his hands free to hold on to Kippei, but Kippei wasn't letting go so he calmed a little and just watched Kippei, feeling inexplicably guilty.

"All of me is blue." Just like last time, and it had taken weeks to get over it last time. Shinji shivered, wanting his powers back right now. But more than anything he just wanted to hold onto Kippei and forget the world existed at all.

"I killed someone."

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Kippei frowned and went still for a minute, looking down at Shinji's hands. Ohtori? No. No way could Shinji have done anything with the body in the state he'd been in... and Kippei was pretty sure that if it had been Ohtori, Shinji would have been even worse off, though he wasn't sure how.

But it had been Ohtori he'd talked to, Ohtori whose memory he'd erased. Bolt. Kippei knew which memories Bolt wanted to get rid of, particularly one of them.

"Yeah," he said softly. "You did."

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"Why?" Shinji begged to know weakly. He looked imploringly at Kippei, not understanding, still missing key memories that would have made it all make sense. If Ohtori had wanted these memories gone, they must be bad. Was he a bad person? Was that why he had killed her? There had to be a reason, right?

"Who the hell was she?"

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Kippei gritted his teeth so hard he heard them creak. Now was not really the best time to be going back over that, explaining who Ryuzaki was and why he'd killed her. They had killed her.

There had been lots of reasons. Good reasons. But only one of them, Kippei felt, was relevant here. A personal reason.

"She kidnapped you once," he growled, flicking an intense gaze up at Shinji, burning with all the suppressed anger and memories and a flicker of worry for Shinji himself.

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"....Oh." Well, that would have pissed him off, and Kippei too. And if it had been unpleasant Shinji would not have liked her afterward. And there must have been other reasons too. Shinji sighed and tried to ignore it all, figuring he would have plenty of time to think about it later. For now, he had to focus harder on Kippei while he couldn't read his mind.

"Kippei...what do you want? What do you need?" Focussing on something else made it easier to forget he was blue and he might have done yet another terrible thing.

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Kippei blinked, thrown slightly off balance by the request that lay outside his currently increasingly narrow focus. It took him a minute just to process the question, and then he had to think about it. The answers came up blank, mostly because they lay too close to the anger he was so carefully controlling.

"You," he said, shaking his head. "Just you." And it wasn't nearly that simple, because he needed Shinji safe and well and staying with him forever, and this.... this felt like one more blow, one more thing trying to take Shinji away from him. And instead of making him afraid, the way he'd been feeling recently, today he was just mad clear through. Nobody, nobody was going to do that ever, and he wanted, needed badly to do something about it. But not right now, so he just shook his head again.

"I'm fine. I'm sorry you're blue again. I kind of like it." Still with the stupid, obvious nonsense, in a quiet, blank voice. He was locked up so tight right now, it must be driving Shinji crazy, or maybe making him worry, Kippei thought distantly, but better than letting it all go because he didn't think he could control it.

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Just him. Well, Shinji could do that. It wasn't like he wanted to go anywhere or do anything or see anyone anyway. Not for a long damn time. He lay down and tugged Kippei on top of him, wrapping blue arms and legs around him and just cradling him, trying to soothe the tightness that was thrumming through Kippei.

"I know you do...I'm just sulking, so its okay. I'm not going anywhere, you can have me all to yourself, its okay." God, he hated not knowing what Kippei needed, and Kippei himself was acting weird again.

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Kippei sighed, letting Shinji wrap around him and nuzzling at him gently. This was good, really good, and normally it would be turning him into a puddle of contentment, but not today. Today he couldn't relax. He kept double checking to make sure he had any potential tremors locked down--he couldn't afford to lose control of his powers in this mood.

"I want to do something," he said abruptly at last, and then he clamped his jaw shut again before he said too much. He could feel the weight of Shinji wanting to know, worrying, and it was all bursting to come out in some way anyway.

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Do something....oh. Shinji thought about it for a bit, then shrugged.

"So let's go somewhere and do something. I always wanted to see you let loose...its sexy, when you use your powers. We can go find one of those little groups of mutant haters and bury them or something, I don't mind. Anything you want." Shinji had never been so certain in his life. Right now, anything Kippei wanted he was getting, pure and simple. Somehow, he knew Kippei needed it.

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Kippei stared down at him, at a loss for words. He wanted, really wanted to take Shinji up on that, but at the same time...

"I don't want you involved," he said finally. "If I lose control, I might not be able to keep you safe." Been there, done that, never going there again. "And I don't want you going anywhere right now... you burnt yourself out and you should rest."

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"You always keep me safe," Shinji countered. "Nothing eve happens when I'm with you." But if Kippei wanted to go alone, then that was fine too, but Shinji held on tighter, just for now.

"Go later then. Wait for a while...and go when I'm asleep?"

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Kippei frowned, not exactly happy with that plan either. He didn't really want Shinji to come, but neither did he want to leave him alone again.

"You could come... but I don't know what I'd do," he muttered, frustrated. "I want to do something but I don't know what." He paused, silent for a minute. "I want to destroy it. And them." And maybe a lot of other things too.

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Shinji frowned, confused. It? Them? Who was Kippei so mad at? He thought about it for a bit, but it didn't make much sense.

"You want to destroy the quiet room? But...I need it." Only his excuses were getting more feeble; his belief that it did more good than harm was divided.He knew that it was needed; that he did need the freedom from life it gave, but on the other hand, he was very much aware that he was being locked into it; that no alternative had ever been given thought.

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Kippei sighed. And that was part of the problem. He really hadn't meant to bring this up, but Shinji had asked. "You're going to end up dependant on it. I don't like it. It's not meant to be permanent I don't think?" He grumbled. "Why have they never taught you to shield yourself? There has to be a way."

And really, it wasn't the fault of the room, this time, Ohtori had come inside and probably the room had contained and amplified things, but it was equally likely that Shinji would have burned out anyway, if he'd been somewhere else.

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Shinji shrugged self-conciously. There had never been a way to shield himself, except maybe with a weird helmet, which would prohibit him from using his powers at all which was worse. Shinji chose the room and he liked the room; it worked.

"I just send and recieve information, Kippei. There isn't a way."

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Kippei frowned again. "There ought to be an off switch somehow." Or something. Anything but an entire room to keep his boyfriend locked up in. Kippei just didn't like that at all, much less the idea that he might need it for the rest of his life.

"I just wish I could help," he muttered at last. Help as much as that, or more.

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Shinjji laughed at that, shaking his head, a little incredulous.

"You do remember the room I lived in before right? And you know how often I just lived in the quiet room instead? You know I had no friends? You know the class we met in was the first one I went to in months? You know the only thing I ever used to do was play guitar? Help me, you fucking saved me!"

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Kippei blinked at him, a little bemused. That was a different way to look at it. He wasn't exactly convinced.

"You saved me," he protested. "And that's why I'm here right now." Here as in not dead, and here as in, in this room instead of going out to commit homicide on a very large scale.

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"Then we're even," Shinji murmered a little sleepily, reaaching up to trail his fingers through Kippei's hair and just watching him with dark eyes. Kippei was sexy and perfect and adored him. You didn't get any more 'help' than that.

"Don't go? Just stay here."

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Kippei's lips compressed in a tight line, and then he sighed--a deep breath, inhale and exhale.

"Yeah. Okay." Maybe later. He at least wanted to track down Ohtori and maybe his boyfriend too and find out what the hell had happened and why.

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"Mmmm...good." Shinji tugged at Kippei and flipped him onto his back, then lazily went about getting Kippei's shoes off. Kii jumped up on the bed with them and Shinji pet him a few times before sprawling across Kippei a little, cuddling up against him, and god he could never express how completely he loved Tachibana Kippei. Nor could he tell him enough.

"I love you...you'll never forget right?"

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Kippei let Shinji roll him over, and he was still a bit tense, but he forced himself to relax a bit more, so he could enjoy it. He had Shinji and Shinji was safe and this felt good.

After a bit he relaxed for real, reminded that it was true what he had said, that Shinji was all he needed, and he shouldn't go do anything in a temper anyway. He would wait.

"Never forget," he agreed. How could he? It was the only thing that meant anything, most times.

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Shinji smiled brightly at that and his hands crept under Kippei's shirt, both teasing and soothing, stroking the warm flesh, then realising Kippei had carried him here, without lightening him at all. He frowned a little and rubbed at a broad shoulder, but it didn't feel like he had hurt himself or anything. Sighing with relief, never wanting to hurt Kippei, Shinji idly kissed his way along Kippei's arm, to his hand, kissing each finger.

"Mmm...I'm locking the door." And he got up and did just that before coming back to the bed, smirking. "Now its just us, for as long as we want."

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