reforged sword

The response from Akira's corner was immediate. He choked, accidently breathing in juice where he should have been swallowing it. Sputtering and coughing into his fist, he managed a sidelong glare at Shinji before recovering.

"It's bull", he croaked flatly when he could breath again, his face flushing red more from the embarrassment than his exertions. "I'm not."

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Shinji damn near stuck his fork through his finger and barely caught himself before he sliced off a few fingers with his knife. He glared at Kippei and then looked sideways at Akira. Bull? Like red bull? No wait...they weren't talking about food.

"So you say."

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Kippei set down his own fork, pushing his plate back slightly, and folded his arms on the table, grimly satisfied with the reactions. So yes, and no. They hadn't talked about it. God, they were stubborn. And both acting like idiots.

"So if you're not, then what is the problem?" he asked Akira, but he was looking pointedly at Shinji, since whatever the problem was it appeared to be his.

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"I don't have a problem!", Akira countered, dropping his gaze to stare irritatedly at his food. "I'm not in love with An. She's my sister." He said it bluntly, picking up a fork to stab at his plate aimlessly. Where Shinji had ever gotten that idea was beyond him, and it freaked him out just a little that his boyfriend kept seeing hidden motives in whatever he did or said around An. He loved her, but only as a sister and a friend. It might have insulted her, but apart from a very brief crush he'd had on her not long after meeting her, anything remotely sexual concerning her had never again crossed his mind.

Of course, he hadn't realized why until someone had opened his eyes.

That someone who was convinced he still had those type of feelings for An. Shinji.

"I can't believe you still don't believe me", he muttered at Shinji, not looking up from his plate.

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Oh great. Grumbling at the dinner table. Shinji pushed his plate away and leant his elbow where it had been, jaw in hand as he stared glumly at the table. Why did Kippei have to go and bring that up again. And he'd done it on purpose too. Jerk.

"I'm not the one still having a heart attack every time she suggests having sex. At first I thought it was just sex, since you were all freaked out by sex, but then you kind of got over that so it must not be the sex part, but the who part. I still don't see why you have a problem with Keigo. Or Sanada even since that seems to be who she's stalking now. I kinda feel sorry for the guy actually..."

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Kippei felt a tiny bit sorry for Akira, since he knew what it was like to have Shinji not believe you about things and be convinced of something that was completely untrue. However, Shinji had a point. He frowned.

"There are so many things wrong with Atobe I don't know where to start," he pointed out, absently, while he thought about the rest of it. Actually, what... "Sanada?" When did that happen?

"And I hope you're not going to suggest that I am in love with her just because I worry about who she dates," he added, eyeing Shinji. Though he didn't usually overreact as much as Akira, at least he didn't think so.

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Shinji eyed them both and crossed his arms over his chest, angry. This was not what he wanted to be doing, or hearing.

"There is nothing wrong with Keigo! He's a good guy and I don't want you talking shit about him at the dinner table!"

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"I didn't say he wasn't," Kippei answered mildly. He was privately somewhat dubious about this assertion, but still, that had not been what he said. "He's not stable enough for her. It has nothing to do with him being a good guy." And he was going to have to ask her about Sanada, because what the hell was that all about?

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Akira, in the meantime, had slumped further and further into his chair as they argued, still fiddling absently with his plate. Personally, he shared the same concerns about Atobe dating Ann, even if some of his beef with the former Hyotei captain was more about his previous attitude and the love 'em and dump 'em lifestyle he seemed to live. Atobe might be a good guy, he'd have to admit, but he just wasn't good enough for An.

Though, Akira was starting to question just who would be good enough for his best friend, and was drawing a constant blank. Maybe he did overreact a lot whenever anyone mentioned anything untowards about her, but it wasn't like he didn't want her to find someone. He did. He just wanted her to find the perfect guy and be happy.

Somehow, he knew Shinji would find a way to twist that rationalization around on him if he brought it up. If only Ashi or Sada were old enough to date...he wondered a lot if this was just his reaction to a sister old enough to be taken advantage of or if it was just something he did over An.

And that was making him doubt himself all over again. Damn Shinji. He stayed quiet for the moment, frowning into his plate.

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Not stable enough? And why the hell was Akira suddenly looking so sullen? Damn it! Shinji glared at them both and got up, emptying his plate into the bin before dumping it in the sink. He pointed a fork at them.

"One of these days, you will believe me when I say my friends are not bad people. And then I will believe you're not in love with An-chan." He stomped off toward the stairs.

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"Shinji!" Kippei called after him, in the stern tone that Shinji hardly ever ignored, though he wasn't sure it was going to work this time. He was frustrated with the whole situation, though, and that put a bit more edge in his voice. "We are not done talking about this. And no one is saying your friends are bad people. I don't think that they are. There's nothing wrong with your friends, as friends, but that doesn't make them good boyfriend material for An."

He wondered if Shinji had any standards at all for An, or if he just thought that anyone he liked would be okay. It frustrated him that Shinji was taking his disapproval as a sign of dislike, and while he had myriad reservations about Shinji's friends, it wasn't that he actually disliked them (well, okay, Akutsu he didn't like) or thought they were bad people.

"You're being unreasonable. Akira's opinion of your friends has nothing to do with whether or not he's in love with An-chan. I believe both of you, and right now you are both being extremely silly. I would like to knock your heads together--not that I think it would do that much good. How the hell did I end up with two such stubborn boyfriends?" he grumbled to himself, and sighed as he watched Shinji's disappearing back. Dammit. Like that was going to help.

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"I'm not stubborn!", Akira protested...stubbornly. He stood up, slapping his fork down on the table. If Shinji could stalk off, there was no way he was sticking around to get interrogated by Kippei about his sister.

"And I didn't say a thing about Atobe!", he flung at Shinji, shoving his chair back up to the table. "I like him just fine even if he's still sometimes a snobby jerk with a crappy dating track record. And I'm not in love with An!" He turned to flee into the other room, but something in him abruptly wanted something else.

He moved around the table to where Shinji was, and stood toe to toe with him. "Is that the only reason you think that? Cause I don't think anyone's good enough for her and I want to protect her? Do I visit her all the time? Stare at her funny? Collect pictures of her? Tell me, Shin! What else do I do that makes you think I'm in love with her?"

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There was an Aki, suddenly right in his face. Shinji stared, wide-eyed and just listened, amazed Akira was saying anything, but...that was kind of the point. He turned away a little, hiding behind his hair, shoving his hands in his pocket and smiling a little sadly.

"You're passionate about her. You'll make a fuss, you'll yell, you'll argue...you'll do anything to get what you want. For her."

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There was a long silent moment as Akira took that in, blinking at Shinji through his own half curtain of red hair.

He could see now, just a little, what Shinji was talking about. Still...Shinji was completely missing the point.

"You're wrong", he breathed. "There is something I won't do for An."

Faster than Shinji could blink, Akira moved, deftly raking fingerfuls of hair from the tensai's face until they met at the back of his head. Clenching fists around the brilliant blue strands, he moved again, sealing his lips over Shinji's with every ounce of passion and feeling of love he could muster.

Breaking away for air, he panted, "I won't ever do this with her. This is yours and Kippei's." He pressed another kiss onto Shinji's lips, peppering his boyfriend with them between words.

"Don't you understand...all this fuss...is because I'm trying...to make you understand...that I love you!"

His hands relaxed, dropping from Shinji's hair so that Akira would wind his arms around the tensai's neck.

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Kippei just blinked, and stared. Of all the things he expected Shinji to say, that was not one of them. Did he really, honestly think that Akira wasn't that way about him, too? He watched, frowning slightly, as Akira made his point, or tried to, but he wasn't convinced it was getting through. Where had Shinji gotten an idea like that in the first place?

He sat back in his chair and folded his arms across his chest, watching them silently. He wondered if Shinji thought that about him, too. He didn't want to ask. There wasn't much he could do about it if he did, apparently. He'd already said everything about that he could say, so he bent his head and stared at the table, and hoped Akira managed to say something that mattered.

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Shinji was too shocked to move for the longest time. His hands came up of their own accord and wrapped tight around Akira's waist, holding him there, as if afraid he would just disappear. But his brain took a lot longer to catch up and when it did he could only frown and bite his lip, that was tingling from the kiss.

"You wont...kiss her, or hug her, or have sex with her? You won't touch her physically? That's your proof you're not in love with her?" Shinji was annoyed, and he couldn't begin to say why. "Is that really all you think I want?" This again? No, Kippei was going to kill him. This was so many kinds of wrong; he had to get over it. "....I'm just jealous." Or something. "I don't like sharing my Aki, unless its with my Kippei." He nuzzled against the side of Akira's throat, using it as a way to hide and collect hismelf and hide whatever the hell he knew was written plain on his face. "I love you."

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It didn't wash. Jealous? That was it? After doing another little patented Shinji-ized twist of his words, making them meaningless and ridiculous on top of it all? Why did he never have the right words, like Kippei always did? And he tried; hell, he'd been trying, but Shinji just kept taking the argument down paths that just lost the redhead and made him doubt everything.

And he may have been oblivous through most of their relationship, but he wasn't overlooking Shinji trying to act as though he was letting it go. Akira wondered briefly if the situation would be at all different if Kippei wasn't standing there, watching them. He could be giving Shinji that Buchou-ish look behind Akira's back and he'd never know.

But Shinji was holding him, hiding in him even. Deflated, Akira wearily slumped in his arms, his chin dropping to his lover's shoulder. He didn't know how much more of this he could take; he couldn't run from this, or ignore it and hope it went away. And talking...it just wasn't doing anything, not much more than seemingly cement Shinji's suspicions into both of their heads.

"Jerk", he breathed, the word near inaudible but for the fact that his mouth was so close to Shinji's ear. "Damn jerk. You did that to me on purpose. I'd like to yell at you right now, but it won't do any good, will it? It'll just bounce right off your thick skull and then you'll throw it back in my face." A laugh, but a short one devoid of even the slightest bit of humor.

"You know, you even have me almost believing you, when I know you're wrong. So what am I supposed to do here, Shin? Act like you're not pretending to let it go and just ignore it 'til one of us blows up again? Keep trying even though I keep sounding like a complete ass? Do I give up my best friend and sister because I can't get through to you on this?"

He pulled away, eyes searching for Shinji's. That little whispered speech had cost him; he wanted so badly to turn and seek out Kippei's arms for solace, for just someone to believe in him, dammit. But he wouldn't put his other boyfriend in the middle of this, or ask him to take a side.

He just hoped to all the gods that Kippei did believe him. Akira might as well go into therapy if both of his lovers were convinced he had some secret burning yearn for Tachibana An.

So, he stepped back, blue eyes trying one last time to convince Shinji where all of his words and actions had failed. And suddenly, he just couldn't do it. He couldn't stand there another minute and wait to hear the next round of rationalizations that confirmed and damned him for being too passionate about his best friend. One more time was just too much; he'd do or say something he'd regret, or he would just have to give up.

"You know what? I can't--forget it. When you figure it out, let me know. I'll be in the garden." Venting to the damn gnome and shredding grass blades. He didn't even have the energy to slam the door on the way out. Shinji was just...wearing him down.

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Kippei sighed and rubbed his forehead, glancing sideways at Shinji with a slightly worried look. That had gone SO well. Stubborn bastards, the both of them. And what the hell was Shinji's problem, anyway? There was more to it than he was saying, but Kippei didn't know what it was.

He stood up, pushing back his chair and ignoring the remains of dinner on the table. He could come back and clean it up later.

"Why does it bother you so much?" he asked quietly, coming up to Shinji and taking his hand, lacing their fingers together and tugging him gently toward the door, but not too insistently. He wanted to figure this out before he dragged Shinji out to talk to Akira again.

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Shinji was still just staring at the spot Akira had been, feeling thoroughly guilt ridden and wondering, rather dejectedly, why everyone ignored him when he tried to unruffle their feathers and make up for being a jerk. He felt extremely...jerky. He frowned and stared at his hand in Kippei's, the way their fingers laced together just right and he wondered why.

"Because she's stronger than me...she's better for him." Hell, An would be better for anyone than anyone they would get. Everyone seemed to think Shinji didn't care who she ended up with but that wasn't right. He already knew that she was the best thing that would happen to whoever she chose and he just wanted to let her choose who she wanted because it wasn't like she would make a mistake; An never made mistakes. An was clever like that.

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flamesword.livejournal.com

Kippei blinked, surprised, and then he smiled, a soft, slow curve of his mouth as he lifted Shinji's hand in his and kissed the tips of his fingers.

"Nobody's better for him than you," he said softly, with absolute truth. Shinji was the best person for Akira, better even than Kippei himself. "Come on," he added. "Let's go find him. He just wants you, Shin, and she's not better. Don't try to make him think he doesn't want you just because you don't think you're good enough. He's the only one who can decide that, and he already has."

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"Shoulda just become a monk", Akira was grumbling sourly under his breath to Humpalot, tossing grass confetti at the gnome's feet. "Most I'd have to deal with are a few shrine maidens, worshippers, people who think they're possessed...and wouldn't have to keep having these stupid fights and come out here and talk to a garden decoration..."

He didn't hear them come outside, babbling and venting as he was, but he felt his two lovers the instant they were behind him, and he cringed, blushing hard enough to make him glad it was evening and hopefully too dark to see.

"I was talking to myself!", he shot immediately. He would not admit to talking to the gnome. No way. Scooting over to sit by the strawberry plants, which were just little seedlings so far, he moved his head to look up at them, lips closing in a stubborn line to try and mask how upset he was.

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Aki was...talking to Humpalot. Shinji blinked, and then cringed at what Akira was saying. Shinji thought that Aki wouldn't have to talk to a stupid garden ornament if he was with An-chan either...but Kippei said he shouldn't make Aki's decisions for him, but it wasn't making it for him if Aki had already said it...was it? Shinji gave up on the whole thinking thing and knelt down next to Humpalot, petting him apologetically.

"He doesn't mean it, I promise. He's just embarassed we saw him talking to you."

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Kippei relaxed a bit once he got them both in the same vicinity again, sinking to the grass more or less between them and reaching out to touch them both, just for reassurance.

"You're both silly," he murmured, smiling a bit, but feeling better. This could be fixed. It could. They just had to start talking. He decided to give them two minutes.

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"I'm not embarrassed!" Akira protested as Shinji continued petting Humpalot. And kneeling dangerously close to his watermelon seedlings...he tore his eyes away before he wound up yanking the tensai out of his garden.

"Would you quit petting that freaky gnome-thing and talk to me already?", he snapped, still blushing from being caught, and unconsciously leaning into Kippei's touch. Scrubbing a hand in his hair, he gave up and scooted over, laying his head down in Kippei's lap. "And quit laughing at me", he grumbled under his breath, looking up at his other boyfriend grouchily.

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Kippei allowed his amusement to show a little more. "You're both silly," he repeated. "Extremely silly. And I'd rather be laughing at you than worried sick or frustrated enough to knock your heads together."

He absently stroked the soft red hair pillowed in his lap, and looked over at Shinji, raising an eybrow and tugging him closer. Talk to him.

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Shinji wished Kippei would stop calling him silly. He frowned darkly at Humpalot, trying to think of something to say, but all he wanted to say was stop and that really wasn't fair when he had started it, for all intents and purposes.

"I wish you would stop calling me silly," he told Kippei flatly. "Maybe you think its silly but I dont. I dont like fighting with Akira, and I dont like when he's not happy with me, which is just about all the damn time, and I dont like that when we get all mixed up you just laugh at us. You're not supposed to laugh at us. And you..." He pointed Humpalots finger at Aki. "I don't like that you always have a problem with me, and you never have a problem with her, and I dont like that someone else makes you happier and more relaxed than me, unless its Kippei. And I dont like that you talk to her more. But most of all I hate that she's better than me and that you like her more."

There, said and done, he could go die in a hole now.

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"That's such bullshit!" Akira exploded, lurching up from Kippei's lap and slapping at Humpalot. He was also crushing some of the delicate seedlings at the gnome's feet, but he hardly even noticed, as taken aback and upset as he was.

"Who the hell put that idea in your head? If somebody did, I'm kicking their ass! I do not always have a problem with you! Hell, I fight more with Ann than I do with you! You just...gah! You're impossible!" Clenching fists around handfuls of Shinji's shirt, he shook the tensai hard for emphasis. He was so damn frustrated with all of this...

Calm...calm down. He took a deep breath; screaming in Shinji's face wouldn't solve anything, he told himself.

"'M not gonna run" he said in a more moderate tone of voice, taking another deep breath and letting it out. "I'm not going anywhere. So you're just gonna have to deal with me being here with you forever. Maybe after a few decades it'll sink into that thick skull of yours that you do make me happy. When you're not driving me completely insane like you are now."

"And fuck how it looks like I act with Ann", he spat, still fired up enough to sling the cuss words around with abandon. "I don't love her. Not like that. I love you. I that you. If I'm not with you...then I'm nothing, Shin. Without you or Kippei...how could I be happy?"

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Shinji stumbled back at the onslaught, trying to keep some semblance of balance and failing miserably, falling back so the only thing holding him upright was Akira's hands in his shirt. Shaking him. He didn't like that at all, and his own hands came up to close over Akira's, holding him still and trying to stop the world spinning. He wasn't sure if his sudden mental fruit loopiness was the result of Akira shaking him or Akira completely blowing every thought out of his brain and expecting a running commentary of it.

"I couldn't be," Shinji answered at last. No matter who Akira could or couldn't be happy with, Shinji couldn't live without those two things, and it really was wrong of him to think Akira was any different.

"I'm..." Not sorry. "I apologise sounds weird." He frowned, trying to think of a better way to say it. "Me too." Better; much better.

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Kippei had been about to answer Shinji when Akira had jumped in--literally--and he let the words die in the hope that Shinji would actually listen this time. He sighed, partly in relief and partly in resignation when Shinji finally seemed to get it, and got to his feet, coming over to put his arms around them both.

"I wasn't laughing at you," he said tiredly. "It's important to me too, that you don't fight with each other. But I'd rather see the humor in it than be upset, especially over something that shouldn't even have to be an issue. You were both being silly, and that's a better word than some I could use. This doesn't have to be as complicated as we often make it. I couldn't be happy either without both of you, and it frustrates the hell out of me when you two seem to forget that. We all need each other."

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