tp5: Kippei and Shinji
Apr. 4th, 2006 02:04 amKippei had spent several days thinking about things after the day he'd stayed home from work with his hangover. Fighting with Shinji had bothered him on several levels, and not everything that had been stirred up by the events of that night had been resolved, or even addressed. Shinji was staying, good, that was first and most important. Shinji was not actively mad at him anymore, even better. Did they still have issues? They most certainly did.
Not the least of which was something that had been a small thing at first, barely noticeable, but becoming increasingly glaringly obvious and just as frustrating. Shinji seemed determined to keep some aspects of their relationship... disturbingly one-sided, and it was making Kippei want to shake him. Just stop, he wanted to say, just stop doing things, but that wasn't really what he meant. He liked, definitely liked very much when Shinji did things, wonderful amazing things with his hands and his mouth and his tongue, and it was very, very good, but what he did not like at all was the way Shinji resisted him every time Kippei tried to do the same things for him. It made him want to shout in frustration or hit something very hard, sometimes.
It was like before, all over again, like when Shinji randomly kissed him in the shuttle or dragged him onto a dance floor or held his hand a little too long and Kippei had always forced himself not to react, not to let go, not to give in, to pull away and not do anything himself. It was like Shinji thought he was still going to push him away at any time, and he was just going to do whatever Kippei would let him in the meantime, but he wasn't expecting, or seemingly even wanting anything back. Kippei hated it.
Eventually he decided enough was enough, he'd run out of patience and he was getting more frustrated by the day and Inanna wasn't an option anymore. Shouldn't need to be an option anymore. This had got to stop. How, he wasn't exactly sure, but it was going to stop. He waited until one night after dinner when neither he or Shinji had anywhere else to be to bring it up. Or try to bring it up. He was still working out what to say. But he said, come here, and pushed Shinji down on the couch, settled in beside him and trapped his hands so he couldn't start anything distracting, and frowned a little bit to himself as he searched for words. Stop trying so hard to love me and let me love you back was a little too... something.
Not the least of which was something that had been a small thing at first, barely noticeable, but becoming increasingly glaringly obvious and just as frustrating. Shinji seemed determined to keep some aspects of their relationship... disturbingly one-sided, and it was making Kippei want to shake him. Just stop, he wanted to say, just stop doing things, but that wasn't really what he meant. He liked, definitely liked very much when Shinji did things, wonderful amazing things with his hands and his mouth and his tongue, and it was very, very good, but what he did not like at all was the way Shinji resisted him every time Kippei tried to do the same things for him. It made him want to shout in frustration or hit something very hard, sometimes.
It was like before, all over again, like when Shinji randomly kissed him in the shuttle or dragged him onto a dance floor or held his hand a little too long and Kippei had always forced himself not to react, not to let go, not to give in, to pull away and not do anything himself. It was like Shinji thought he was still going to push him away at any time, and he was just going to do whatever Kippei would let him in the meantime, but he wasn't expecting, or seemingly even wanting anything back. Kippei hated it.
Eventually he decided enough was enough, he'd run out of patience and he was getting more frustrated by the day and Inanna wasn't an option anymore. Shouldn't need to be an option anymore. This had got to stop. How, he wasn't exactly sure, but it was going to stop. He waited until one night after dinner when neither he or Shinji had anywhere else to be to bring it up. Or try to bring it up. He was still working out what to say. But he said, come here, and pushed Shinji down on the couch, settled in beside him and trapped his hands so he couldn't start anything distracting, and frowned a little bit to himself as he searched for words. Stop trying so hard to love me and let me love you back was a little too... something.
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Date: 2006-04-04 07:09 am (UTC)"If you even think of saying we have to talk, I'm going to kill you."
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Date: 2006-04-04 07:20 am (UTC)Why couldn't the rest of it be that easy too?
"I was going to ask you something," he said slowly at last, the troubled frown returning to his expression. "I want to know if you..." he stopped again. Damn, this was hard. He sighed in frustration. "You never want me to touch you. Do you... I mean... do you really not?" That was the most ungrammatical question in the history of the universe, but he didn't know how he wanted to finish it. Do you really not want it, like it, think I want to... all of the above, maybe.
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Date: 2006-04-04 07:24 am (UTC)"Of course I want it," Shinji frowned, a little confused. How could anyone not want that from Kippei? Not that anyone else was ever going to get it, if Shinji had any say in it but that was so not the point. "I want...I...hmm." Okay. This was going to be a hard conversation.
"I always want you."
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Date: 2006-04-04 07:50 am (UTC)"It's like you don't want me to want you." Which, okay, that was perfectly understandable if Shinji didn't want him either, but he so clearly did, that Kippei was baffled as to why Shinji would not want him to return the sentiment. He seemed almost afraid of letting Kippei touch him in any kind of sexual way, although he didn't seem to mind simple affection or letting Kippei hold him. Kippei could only think of one explanation, and even that one didn't add up entirely, but it was the only one he could think of, and he didn't like it at all. In fact, he hated it, and if it was the right one then there was somebody out there he wanted to hurt very very badly before they died.
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Date: 2006-04-04 08:16 am (UTC)"I want you to want me..." It was easy enough to say, because it was completely true. He wanted Kippei to want him more than anything, but that didn't mean he should let him. Loving Shinji was bad; was wrong on so many levels.
"You should never be tainted," he murmered, barely audible.
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Date: 2006-04-04 08:49 am (UTC)"What the hell makes you think..." he stopped, taking a deep breath, softening his voice because that had come out rather harsh. That I'm not already? That touching you would do that? "What does that have to do with anything?" Please, please do not tell me what I am thinking. Someone was definitely going to die.
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Date: 2006-04-04 09:31 am (UTC)"You're...you're you! If...If there wasn't a war? I would never meet you. I would never be able to meet you! Ibus dont...Ibus aren't that type of people, we're just...just like me. And you're...like you. God, you're the fucking Ambassador, and I'm just a fucking mechanic. And I'm...I'm...people like me should not be allowed anywhere near you."
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Date: 2006-04-04 09:47 am (UTC)This, though--this was far simpler and far more ludicrous. But it made him angry too, in a different way. "Then thank god for the war!" he snapped, and he really, really didn't mean that at all, and yet.... and yet he almost did. Almost. "The fuck do you think I am, Shinji? Ambassador is just a title, and a fucking useless one at that. I'm no more a diplomat than you are a housemaid. I'm a fucking soldier, and if anyone is tainted here it's me!"
He was really, truly angry, but mostly not at Shinji. More at the stupid society and stupid conventions and most of all, at his superiors for assigning him to this fucking stupid post where everything that stood between him and Shinji was magnified and reinforced and jesus.... he really was almost glad of the war if it meant he and Shinji could meet when they otherwise never would, and all the more frustrated because something he wanted that badly was being pushed aside, thrown away for the sake of stupid, ancient, traditional class values.
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Date: 2006-04-04 09:53 am (UTC)"You're Tachibana Kippei. I don't care if thats the Ambassador, or a soldier, or my damned boyfriend, but you're Fudomine through and through; everything about you screams everything I love and I wont dirty that with...with...gah!" His hands went into his hair, tugging hard at the dark strands, trying to vent his anger on something. He refused to dirty Kippei with Rikkai blood.
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Date: 2006-04-04 10:19 am (UTC)"You don't seem to be getting this," he told Shinji with deceptive calmness, and pushed him backward, pinning him to the couch with one swift movement and leaning down until his face was inches away. "I want you," he repeated in a soft, intense voice, and then he closed the last few inches and kissed him insistently, demandingly, hot and hungry and hard as he pressed closer, settling over Shinji and holding him effectively motionless beneath his weight. When he had to breathe, finally, he tore his mouth away from Shinji's addictive taste and stared down at him, panting, his eyes burning.
"I am all of those things," he admitted when he had mostly caught his breath, but it was still rough and deep and husky with need. God but Shinji turned him on so fast. "I am all of those things, and with everything I am I want you. I need you. I need to touch you, I want to give back to you as much as you give me, I want to make you feel as good. I need to show you how I feel. I have to, because I can't say it. I need to hold you and kiss you and look at you and touch your skin and taste it and make love to you. I want everything. Everything," he repeated, and then he kissed Shinji again, long and slow and deep before he let him go.
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Date: 2006-04-04 10:26 am (UTC)"You won't want me...you won't want me when you know."
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Date: 2006-04-04 10:33 am (UTC)"Look, I don't think you understand," he muttered, sitting up and pulling Shinji into his lap, wrapping his arms around him. "Since I met you, you've made me crazy. I have never, never wanted anyone the way I wanted you. I couldn't stand it. I tried so hard, damn near killed myself trying to not want you and not to just take you when you were right there and you wanted me too and it just got worse and worse. It hurt, it hurt like hell. I need you. Just you, only you, always, because no one else has ever made me feel this way before. You are everything, the only thing I want. Whatever you're thinking, I don't care. It doesn't matter. There is nothing that will ever make me not want you."
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Date: 2006-04-04 10:39 am (UTC)"I'm one of them." He wasn't even audible, and took a deep breath, closing his eyes and giving in, all the strength draining out of him. "I'm part Rikkai."
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Date: 2006-04-04 10:42 am (UTC)"What?" What exactly was that supposed to mean?
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Date: 2006-04-04 10:45 am (UTC)"I...I don't know how, but he came and found me and told me and he was so fucking smug about it and I didn't think it could be true but he was right and I checked up on it and its real and I dont even know how, but its there, and its on my damn head and I hate them...I hate me...I shouldn't be allowed to touch you! You should get rid of me, I'm the enemy...I'm...I'm disgusting." And freaking out, not that it mattered.
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Date: 2006-04-04 11:02 am (UTC)Kippei laughed, slow deep laughter that built up and rumbled in his chest. "Reeeeally," he said finally, drawling the word in a dry tone. He kissed the top of Shinji's head, still chuckling. "Are you now." He supposed he looked rather smug himself.
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Date: 2006-04-04 11:07 am (UTC)"You...why are you laughing? It's not funny! I'm one of them!" He spat the word 'them', disgusted, wishing there was a way to drain all the Rikkai blood out of him and make him pure Fudo again.
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Date: 2006-04-04 11:13 am (UTC)"It's funny," he said finally. "Trust me, it's funny. You are... victory." He nodded, pleased with the word. "I win. He thinks that he's claimed part of you but you are totally mine, and I have something of his now. And I intend to keep you. His own blood hates him. It's the absolute best thing ever." He laughed again, low and dark and wicked.
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Date: 2006-04-04 11:22 am (UTC)You are...victory. A low, delighted chuckle broke loose from Shinji and even though he wanted to cry he let it go and just laughed instead. Yeah, it was funny. Being even a tiny piece like Yukimura was a fate worse than death in Shinji's opinion, but maybe it was okay, as long as Kippei still got to keep him? Shinji idly stroked Kippei's wrist.
"Victory. I like that."
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Date: 2006-04-04 11:31 am (UTC)"Come with me," he said softly, laying one hand on the side of Shinji's face and kissing him again. "Come to bed with me, and let me touch you. Let me show you how much I want you." He took Shinji's hand and tugged him gently toward the bedroom.
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Date: 2006-04-04 11:34 am (UTC)"You really dont mind?" He asked in a small voice, terrified that Kippei would turn around and scream yes and kick him out or worse.
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Date: 2006-04-04 11:40 am (UTC)Kippei decided not to wait to see if he was done arguing yet; he scooped Shinji up in his arms again and just carried him, taking him in and setting him down on the bed, where he stood for a moment and just looked down at him, admiring the sight of Shinji in his bed where he belonged, watching him with heat and pride and love and desire. God, he was beautiful.
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Date: 2006-04-04 11:43 am (UTC)"Say you love me, no matter what."
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Date: 2006-04-04 11:48 am (UTC)"I love you," he said between little kisses on Shinji's face and neck, covering every bit of skin he could find. "I love you forever and always, no matter whatever. Mine," he finished, with a much longer, more satisfying kiss on Shinji's lips.
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Date: 2006-04-04 11:53 am (UTC)Shinji's hands tangled in Kippei's pants and tugged, fingers frustrated as they sought out the button and zip and got them undone. He wanted them off and there to be skin and he wanted to touch and taste and yeah...maybe he had been thinking a little one sided in denying Kippei what he himself wanted so badly.
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Date: 2006-04-04 12:03 pm (UTC)He shifted against the searching, insistent hands on his pants, and came up on his knees to allow Shinji to remove them. He could hardly believe they'd spent most of the day naked in bed together the other day and nothing had happened, but then Kippei had been extremely hungover and not up to the kind of argument it had taken to get this far today. Today, he couldn't get naked fast enough and then by god something was definitely going to happen or he was going to spontaneously combust.
He kicked his pants off as Shinji pulled them down, and then attacked Shinji's with singleminded determination. Naked was the top priority for the moment, but his mouth was still busy trying to catch a taste of Shinji's skin, leaning down to lap at his breastbone and swirl his tongue around Shinji's nipples even as he tore the button and zip open on Shinji's pants and shoved at them impatiently.
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Date: 2006-04-04 12:14 pm (UTC)"Hmm...feeling a little bothered, Ambassador?" He drawled the title out deliberately, still thinking it made Kippei even sexier somehow. A pilot, the Ambassador, and his lover. Didn't get any better than that.
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Date: 2006-04-04 12:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-04 08:21 pm (UTC)"I'll take that as a yes then shall I?"
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Date: 2006-04-04 08:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-04 08:55 pm (UTC)"You're my sickness and my medicine."
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Date: 2006-04-04 09:29 pm (UTC)He leaned down to fasten his mouth on the side of Shinji's neck as he quickened his strokes, wanting Shinji to make that noise again, wanting to hear the sounds of pleasure and know that it was because of him. He sucked hard on the skin as he kept stroking Shinji's cock, still moving against Shinji in the same kind of rhythm--it all fed into each other, what he was doing and what Shinji did making a connection, a sense of sharing that went back and forth and hell, fuck yes, this was what he wanted.
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Date: 2006-04-04 09:36 pm (UTC)"I love you," he told him rather breathlessly. "Everything. Love you."
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Date: 2006-04-04 09:52 pm (UTC)"Shinji," he gasped, meaning yes, and I love you, and you're gorgeous and a hundred other things he couldn't say right now, and then he was coming, his grip tightening around Shinji's cock as his body arched with release. God, yes. Everything.
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Date: 2006-04-04 09:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-04 10:11 pm (UTC)He opened his eyes a crack when Shinji stirred, watching intently as fuck, he was licking his hand. That was extremely hot. He raised his own hand and licked it experimentally, and decided that he rather liked the taste of Shinji, but still... licking his own hand wasn't nearly as hot. He reached for Shinji's instead, bringing it down and licking it clean with intense, careful concentration.
"Mmmm," he decided, purring as he finished and let Shinji's hand go, looking smug.
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Date: 2006-04-04 10:39 pm (UTC)"You." Lick. "Are making me." Another. "Very fucking hard." Lick, lick. "Again!"
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Date: 2006-04-05 01:55 am (UTC)"Mmm?" he said again, more of a question this time. He felt very sated, enough so that even though he getting a bit aroused again himself, it didn't have the edge it had before, and he was willing to take the time to tease Shinji a bit first, as if he had no idea what he was doing to him.
The licking, that was very good, and he bent his head to lick slow broad stripes across Shinji's abdomen, working his way up to Shinji's chest and paying special attention to his nipples, stopping to take one between his teeth, biting lightly, while his hand slid up sneakily to toy with the other, rubbing the hard nub and stroking his palm over it. He was having fun, betrayed by the glint in his eye as he glanced up for Shinji's reaction.
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Date: 2006-04-05 04:34 am (UTC)"You're incorrigable!"
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Date: 2006-04-05 04:51 am (UTC)His hand smoothed over Shinji's side, down to his hip, rubbing absently with his thumb while he sucked gently on Shinji's collarbone, taking his time, slow and sweetly just exploring, learning, wanting with all the time in the world to have it.
"Mmmm... I love you," he murmured, nuzzling, and somehow it was easier to say this time.
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Date: 2006-04-05 05:04 am (UTC)"Me too. I love you too."