potg: shinji and kippei

[shattermelt]

Kippei wasn't sleeping, even though it was the middle of the night. He hadn't slept very well since the last time Shinji had been here, which was STUPID, but the fact remained that he'd slept better at the station than he had at home for the last week. At least there he wasn't expecting Shinji to be there, wasn't turning over half a dozen times during the night and reaching for somebody who wasn't there, waking up when he didn't find him. Okay, half a dozen was a very polite estimate. It was closer to ten, he thought, but he wasn't counting.

He'd given up on sleeping for tonight, it was his day off and he could afford to not sleep, and he was thinking maybe Saeki had had the right idea and he should just go out and get drunk off his arse because he was that bored. Bored he was calling it, because he refused to be depressed. He'd come outside finally, because the house was too quiet, and he was sitting on the steps in the dark, dropping his head wearily to rub the back of his neck. This was really incredibly stupid. There was no way in hell he had any logical reason to miss Shinji, who had been here maybe a total of three times, but he did and it sucked. Maybe he would fall asleep sitting here, resting his elbows on his knees.

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[ayretala.livejournal.com]

Shinji had not had the best few days. He had returned to First Realm only to have another lapse in sight, mid-wander, resulting in his walking straight into his bedroom door, effectively cracking a nice sized hole in his head. They had kept him in the infirmary for a few days, but eventually had agreed that he needed nothing more than a good bandaid and a few migraine tablets. Grateful to be let out, Shinji had wasted no time feeling his way to the gate, though he had the sense to tell the guy at the desk to get him a taxi and had the fare arranged and paid in advance. He slumped down in the back seat, weary and missing Kippei like crazy. Despite the fact he rarely hung out with anyone anyway, being forced not to and as a subsequence, knowing you couldn't was somehow worse. Shinji had spent the last few days desperate to touch Kippei, the voice recording on his phone nowhere near enough.

The taxi pulled up at last and the too kind voice told him they were there but Shinji just sighed and said he didn't need the door opened for him, feeling along the edge and getting it open, stepping out onto the gutter and thanking the man before listening to the cab drive away, then just standing there, wondering how the hell he was going to get from the sidewalk into the house.

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Kippei looked up idly at the sound of the car, slowly, not really interested in who was coming home at this late hour, but it was a momentary distraction and he could use a distraction right now. He blinked when he saw it was a taxi, wondered who was having visitors that arrived in the middle of the night. He'd lived in this building for nearly five years and he hardly knew any of his neighbors.

He was standing before the conscious thought filtered into his brain, moving automatically as the cab stopped and slight figure got out and stopped. "Shinji?" Shinji was here. Shinji was home. Kippei laughed out loud, mostly in relief, and hurried down the last few steps, going over to pick Shinji up and swing him around. "Hey, beautiful," he murmured when he set him down again, cracking half a smile as he reached up to touch Shinji's face. "I missed you."

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

Shinji nearly died of fright the moment strong hands grabbed him and his feet left the ground, his heart immediately skipping a beat and pumping blood too quickly as he gasped and clutched at broad shoulders, fingers bunching in the thin cotton. Then he heard that voice and his feet were on the gorund and he just took a minute to get his breath back from wherever the hell it disappeared to.

"You shouldn't do that," he mumbled. "Unless I know you're there...what if I kicked you or something because I didn't know you were you, then I would feel guilty about kicking you and it would ruin it."

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Kippei chuckled softly. "I'm sorry," he said, but he wasn't really. "It'd be my fault, right? You wouldn't have anything to feel guilty about. Besides, where else would I be?" Waiting for you.

It seemed like his life had simplified, not that it had ever been that complicated, but now it was distilled, burned down to the essence of necessities--working and Shinji and waiting for Shinji. Always waiting, and he'd never been good at the patience thing, but it was Shinji, and he was learning. He'd wait as long as he had to, because he had to, because there weren't any other options.

Because there was a subtle gnawing reminder every now and then that he had all too little time as it was. Not in between, but long term, the suspicion that long term might not be all that long. That they didn't have a lifetime, no matter how badly he wanted it.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

Shinji frowned, pondering that. Wasn't it nightime? Frowning, Shinji settled his hands on Kippei's waist and just enjoyed having that small support; just knowing Kippei was there and could see anything that might be nearby.

"Inside," Shinji replied at last. "Where normal people go when its night out. Where I wanna go...if you want to. It's kinda cold out. Not really cold, just sort of."

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Kippei tilted his head, amused, and leaned down to kiss him. "Mhmmm, a little bit." The cold had actually been kind of nice, for some reason. He'd been cold anyway so why not be actually cold? Something like that.

"It's warm now," he told Shinji, his eyes crinkling as he grinned, but he took Shinji's hand and started back toward the building anyway.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

"Mmm." Yeah, it was warmer with Kippei's kisses, no arguing there, but Shinji still wanted to go inside and snuggle in a nice warm blanket with Kippei and god, he had missed this. It really was turning in to home; not just Kippei but Kippei's house and everything about Kippei's life. If Kippei was part of it, then Shinji found it comfortable. He nearly tripped on the first step, then shook his head, forcing his brain to work, remembering how many steos there were and how high and how long and then they were on the landing and he sighed in grumpy relief.

"You missed me?"

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

"Mmm." Kippei shrugged, embarrassed now that the first rush of relief which had prompted the words had faded. He ducked his head and focused on opening the door, which didn't take a lot of concentration really since he hadn't locked it when he came out. He was glad for once that Shinji couldn't see his face.

"Yeah, well, you weren't here," he said finally, as if that explained everything--and it did, kind of.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

"Well, I would be sort of worried if you missed me and I was here," Shinji pointed out, following Kippei inside and kicking the door shut behind him. He didn't let go of Kippei, wrapping his arms around Kippei's neck and shoulder and reaching up on his toes to plant a kiss, on his cheek at first because he had no idea where Kippei was, but then closer; little butterfly kisses until he got to Kippei's mouth where he could kiss him properly until he was breathless.

"I missed you more."

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

"I doubt that very much," Kippei told him dryly, catching his breath and then smiling a bit as he wrapped his arms around Shinji and held him tight. "What is this, some kind of competition? I missed you the most so I win?" He laughed, low and amused, and rubbed his cheek against the top of Shinji's head.

"It hurts when you're gone," he muttered, and he really hadn't meant to say that.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

Shinji winced and just held on, holding Kippei and trying to not think of the alternatives. He could stay, and have his four days and then Kippei could hurt for a lifetime, if he cared that much, or he could go and not come back and maybe it would only hurt for a little while. Or he could do just what he was doing, as often as he could...none of them were any good really. Someone got hurt no matter what.

"It hurts to be gone." And it hurt even more knowing he was going to be gone for good one day.

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Kippei sighed and let go, literally and figuratively, letting go of the issue since it had no easy answers, or maybe none at all.

"Come on, I'll make you hot chocolate," he said, and tugged Shinji into the kitchen, transferring his hand to a chair. "How long are you here for?" he asked idly, getting out the hot chocolate and finding mugs and making hot water, pretending that the question was casual and unimportant and he wasn't listening intently for the answer.

How long do we have this time? Never more than a couple of days, and it wasn't enough, ever.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

"Seventy Hours..." Shinji mumbled, not at all happy with Kippei's nice warm hand being replaced with a damn chair. He frowned at it, but sat down obediantly and waited. Hot chocolate sounded like a damn good idea.

"I'll go whenever you have to go back to work...you've got work in a day or so, right?" Shinji really had no idea now but he thought that might be about right.

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

"I... yeah. Forty-eight," Kippei told him, frowning down at the hot water as he pulled it off the heat and poured it carefully into the two mugs. He carried them over and set one in front of Shinji, absently taking a seat beside instead of across from him.

"I have forty-eight hours," he said softly, half to himself, and suddenly it sounded like no time at all. It was a whole extra day that he wouldn't have. Yet if he'd had four days off, Shinji would only have three, and he couldn't decide if that was better, or worse.

For the first time in his life, he started to consider the possibility of finding another job.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

Shinji wished he could see Kippei and know what expressions were going across his face because as it was he had no idea what the right thing to say was. So he smiled as if this was good news and sipped his hot chocolate, which was gorgeous and hot.

"This better be your mug."

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

"I figured you would want it," Kippei answered, smiling faintly as he leaned back in his chair, draping his arm over the back of Shinji's. "I only get to use it anymore when you're not here," he teased, not that he minded in the least. It was kind of cool that Shinji wanted to use his just because it was his, or something. He hadn't quite figured out the logic but it made him feel warm inside anyway.

He let his fingers trail through the ends of Shinji's hair, as if he were reacquainting himself with the sensation. He'd missed this, too. Okay, so he missed everything about Shinji. It wasn't like he could help it.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

Shinji winced and glared at Kippei. Usually he loved having fingers in his hair but at the moment it was just making his head ache. He pointed to the little white stretches of tape under a fall of hair and then let it flop back into place, sipping his hot chocolate again to make himself feel better.

"Don't pull my hair, it hurts." And yeah, okay, maybe he was a little grumpier than he had thought.

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Kippei straightened up and stared, only just noticing the tape and what the hell?

"Shinji?" he demanded, a question because he didn't know what the hell to ask. Just. what? "What happened? How did this happen? Let me see." He reached over to pull Shinji's hair back, carefully, looking for damage and frowning darkly.

"When were you planning on telling me about this? Never, right. Not until after I pull you hair and hurt you." He sounded angry, but mostly he was just upset with himself for not noticing sooner. Goddammit.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

Shinji frowned and winced again and felt both tired and guilty and confused. Was he supposed to tell Kippei? But he didn't want him worrying or treating him any different and it wasn't a big deal. It was nothing! It could have been worse; he could have cracked his skull like they had been afraid of, or broken something else...lots of worse things. This was just a cut that had needed stitches and some migraine meds.

"I walked into my bedroom door," he murmured at last. "It wasn't important, it was just embarrassing." He winced, because Kippei sounded mad and while that growl was hellishly sexy it was in no way enjoyable when it was directed at him.

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Kippei just stared at him, feeling sick and cold and lost and angry and scared, because what the hell. He walked into a door? Kippei was supposed to believe that? Who actually said they walked into a door? Like... that was a joke, right?

"You walked into a door?" he repeated flatly, reaching as gently as possible to take another look at the injury, studying it and trying to figure out if it even looked possible, for it to be caused by a door--maybe it was paranoid of him to think that it had been something else.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

"I walked into a door!" Shinji repeated, face heating in embarassment and his own anger and god, why didn't Kippei believe him? He said that was what happened and it was what happened, so what was the problem?

"I couldn't see it, and I thought it was open but it wasn't open all the way and I walked right into it, it happens okay!" God, he was never going to live this down, if Kippei ever even believed him. He took another sip of his drink but it suddenly didn't taste as good and he put it down with a sigh.

"I shouldn't have come," he noted glumly. "I should have waited til it was better."

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

"Hey, hey," Kippei told him, pulling Shinji into an awkward hug and rubbing his back in apology. The cut--if it could be called a cut, which Kippei personally thought was a huge understatement--did in fact look like it might have been a door; not that Kippei liked the explanation any better when it was true. How did you walk into a door hard enough to do that?

"I'm sorry," he murmured. "It looks bad and I just worry..." He sighed. "Never mind. I'm glad you came. I'm really glad. Don't wait, okay?"

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

Shinji sighed and relaxed, because he never wanted to fight with Kippei ever, and this was the closest he had ever come. He wrapped his arms loosely around Kippei's waist and then smirked a little, letting them slide up under Kippei's shirt to caress lovely smooth, warm skin. Kippei was always hot to the touch, as if he had absorbed the fire he worked with.

"The Doctor said to stay home but I didn't want to wait at home, I wanted to see you, so I came anyway. I didn't know you would get mad...or worry, or...sorry."

[shattermelt.livejournal.com]

Kippei chuckled, a wry sound that wasn't very amused, and then he sighed, kissing Shinji's temple. "I'm not mad. I just... get upset, when I worry. No, I... when I'm. afraid I guess. I never worried about anybody before."

He looked back down at Shinji, the worry showing clearly enough in his face. "You really walked into a door? Nobody hit you or anything? It looks bad..." he murmured to himself, tracing a gentle line on Shinji's cheek but carefully avoiding the nasty looking bruise on the side of his head. "I'm sorry." Sorry for what, he asked himself, and decided he was a moron.

[ayretala.livejournal.com]

Shinji smiled at that, because even though he didn't want Kippei to worry, it was nice knowing Kippei hadn't worried about anyone else; that he was the only one who mattered enough to worry about. Stupid, but there it was. Still, he had to laugh just a little.

"No one hit me. Just a door. I was really frustrated and I seriously thought it was open all the way, next thing I know I had a door in the side of my head...You're really not annoyed I came?"